Yeah. This guy really sucks. Bad coaches win Super Bowls, right?
Jon will be back in 2010!
There will be several coaches on the hot seat in the 2010 season.
I predict the following coaches could be in danger after next season:
Brad Childress in Minnesota;
Jim Zorn in Washington;
Wade Phillips in Dallas;
Sean Payton in New Orleans;
Jack Del Rio in Jacksonville;
Dick Juaron in Buffalo;
Lovie Smith in Chicago;
John Fox in Carolina;
Gary Kubiak in Houston.
You can rule out the following teams as they've hired coaches this past offseason:
St. Louis has just hired Steve Spagnulo from the Giants;
Cleveland just hired Eric Mangini;
Detroit just hired Jim Shwartz;
Seattle just promoted Jim Mora, Jr.;
Denver's just hired Josh McDaniels from New England;
The NY Jets (who foolishly fired Mangini) will probably hire Rex Ryan from the Ravens;
Indy just promoted Jim Caldwell after the wonderful Tony Dungy retired;
Kansas City is in the process of finding a new head coach. It won't be Jon.
So those teams won't be in the running.Ryan and Lexie cried last night that Gruden wasn't fired earlier (I made them feel much better today, though, heh).
Let's look at the other teams in the NFL.
Oakland?
No way does Gruden go back to work for the senile Al Davis.
San Diego?
Norv Turner's done a pretty good job for a guy who's supposedly so horrible. No.
Cincinnati?
Great fit, but the owner will keep Marvin Lewis, a good coach who has to work for a miserly cheap owner.
Baltimore?
No way. Harbaugh has stepped in and the club hasn't missed a beat.
Pitt?
No way. Mike Tomlin's doing fine.
Tenn?
No way. They have Jeff Fisher, one of the best coaches in the league.
Miami?
Nope. Tony Sparano's entering only his second season and is doing well.
New England?
Nope. Bill Bellicheat has that job until he doesn't want it.
Arizona?
Nope. Whisenhunt's the man there.
Philly?
Hmmmmm....nope. Good fit, but Andy Reid's going nowhere.
San Francisco?
Nope. They just named Mike Singletary the permanent head coach.
Green Bay?
Nope. McCarthy ain't going nowhere....unless the team craps out again....and it won't.
Atlanta? Nope. Mike Smith is turning out to be a great coach.
So, where does my NFL boyfriend end up? There are always big time college jobs out there. There's speculation that he could end up at Notre Dame. No way. It'd cost those fools millions to buy out Charlie Weiss' contract. Bet that ten year extension they gave him doesn't look so great now.
I don't see Jon going back to the college ranks. And there are just too many possibilities to consider anyway. So where does he end up if he takes an NFL job?
Buffalo: Nope. Ralph Wilson won't pony up the dough.
New Orleans: Obviously, it would be intriguing as Tampa's division rival. It would be a great fit. Big time city, star-studded roster, veteran QB.
Minnesota: Interesting, but I don't see it happening. I think if they fire Childress, Shanahan will end up there. I don't know why, just a hunch.
Jacksonville? Possibly.
Carolina: Interesting possibility if the Panthers collapse next year and Fox gets canned. I think they'll be okay, but Jon has ties to the state of Tenn and Carolina ain't that far away. Just sayin'.
Houston: Hmmmmmm...... Big city. Possible. Not probable.
There are really three cities that would fit a coach of Jon's stature: Washington, Dallas, and Chi-town.At this point, it's a matter of weighing the positives rather than focusing on the negatives. All are good possibilities.
Dallas: Great fit. But one problem: Gruden's too strong a personality for Jerry Jones to hire. And Gruden won't put up with pissy prima donas like Terrel Owens. Don't believe me? Ask Keyshawn Johnson. But if Jones can quit signing douchebags and stay somewhat quiet, it's certainly a possility.
Chicago: Wow. It could fit.
Washington, D.C.: This is where Jon ends up. Dan Snyder will fire Jim Zorn after the 2009 season and back up the Brinks truck to hire Gruden. The current GM, Vinny Cerrato, will be "promoted" to another position and Jon will bring in Bruce Allen to be his GM.
Prediction: Jon Gruden will be hired as the Redskins' head coach as early as December and no later than today's date in 2010.
Here's the list, in order, of where Jon coud end up, most likely to least likely.
1. Washington, D.C.
2. Chicago Bears
3. New Orleans Saints
4. Carolina Panthers
5. Dallas Cowboys
6. Houston Texans
7. Jacksonville Jaguars
8. Minnesota Vikings
9. Buffalo Bills
Oh, that Bill Cowher guy? I think he ends up in Carolina. He has a home in that area and the situation's perfect for him if they want to shell out the big bucks. Forget Dallas. Cowher won't put up with the shit going on there. Jerry Jones needs a more passive coach than Gruden or Cowher. That's why Jimmie Johnson left. And why Parcells left.
Both Gruden and Cowher would chase T.O. out of there with a baseball bat. Neither man puts up with that type of crap. It's why they're such great coaches.Enjoy your year off, Jon! I'll always root for you!
Fuck the Glazers.
(Originally posted 1-19-2009)
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