In Ben's Defense

First, read this (copied and pasted from profootballtalk.com) if you haven't heard about the situation with Big Ben.

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In a complaint that reads like the rape allegations made several years ago against NBA star Kobe Bryant, Harrah's employee Andrea McNulty alleges sexual assault against Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger in a lawsuit filed last week in Washoe County, Nevada.

But lawyer David Cornwell strongly denied the allegations Monday night, in a statement released to PFT. "Ben has never sexually assaulted anyone; especially Andrea McNulty," Cornwell said.

In the civil suit, which Cornwell confirms was served on Roethlisberger over the weekend and a copy of which our own Gregg Rosenthal has obtained, McNulty alleges that Roethlisberger asked her to come to his hotel room to fix the television, and that he thereafter forced her to have sex with him.

Roethlisberger faces one civil count of assault, one civil count of sexual assault and battery, one civil count of false imprisonment, one civil count of false pretenses, one civil count of fraud, and one civil count of intentonal infliction of emtional distress.

McNulty also claims that the coworkers named in the complaint thereafter defamed her by making allegedly false and inflammatory statements, and by allegedly serving as aiders and abettors of Roethlisberger's alleged misconduct after the fact.

Cornwell, a finalist for the position of NFLPA Executive Director who has represented in the recent past Saints running back Reggie Bush and Browns receiver Donte' Stallworth, points to the fact that no criminal complaint has been filed, and that no criminal investigation has occurred.

"The timing of the lawsuit and the absence of a criminal complaint and a criminal investigation are the most compelling evidence of the absence of any criminal conduct," Cornwell said. "If an investigation is commenced, Ben will cooperate fully and Ben will be fully exonerated."

It's unknown at this point whether McNulty ever has attempted to file criminal charges as a result of the incident, which allegedly occurred in July 2008.

"Ben will not be baited into a public discussion about his personal life, but we will defend
him vigorously," Cornwell said. "The limited value that Ms. McNulty derived from public disclosure of these viciously false allegations is the only value she will ever receive from Ben in this case."

Regardless of how this one turns out, it has the potential to serve as a significant distraction for Roethlisberger as the 2009 season approaches, especially if the lawsuit triggers a criminal probe.

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Okay....let's see if I'm getting this straight......

According to this money-grubber, she was raped in July 2008 while on a service call at work. And she names several coworkers (two of whom are female) in the complaint as well, claiming that they helped Roethlisberger cover up the crime.

Sheesh. No mention of men in black suits? Nothing about the Illuminati being involved? The mafia wasn't listed? The United Nations (being the worthless POS that it is) wasn't included? Nothing supports a personal injury like a good old fashioned conspiracy.

Oh, and she never filed criminal charges when she claims it happened. Get the fuck out of here, you little bitch.

Seriously, once you pass on filing criminal charges, fuck you. Don't come back and cry rape later when you stand to profit from it. If what happened truly happened, then you have to supply what evidence you can to the police.

Gee, yeah, I know. She was traumatized. And yet she's "untramatized' enough to come back a year later to collect her pound of flesh. NOW she wants to tell her story! NOW she wants to set things straight. NOW she wants to make her voice heard. NOW she wants justice!

No, NOW she wants a payday. And there's a difference between justice and a payday.

Hey, I'm all for legit civil suits. Not all are bullshit. But I'll tell you this: you go through the proper channels. And in situations involving bodily harm, that means you go to the police first, not Larry The Personal Injury Lawyer.

When you take the type of shortcut this "victim" is taking, your motives deserve to be questioned. After a year, where's the physical evidence a rape kit could've provided? It's washed away (had it indeed ever existed).

How convenient. I mean, a year later she's ready to face her "attacker". She's ready to take down Big Ben--when there's money to be made.

Crap like this only makes it harder for real rape victims.

Sorry if you're some psycho man-hater that actually believes every woman who screams rape when money is on the table, but if you are, I have two words for you:

Duke Lacrosse.

Poor Widdle Jay Cutler

BL has a housewarming gift for Jay when he gets to Chicago!

Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

The NFL's resident poster boy for cwybabees, Jay Cutler, has been traded to the Chicago Bears.

Of course, Tampa was chasing him. You think that would make BL happy, huh? No way. Cutler's an immature little douche. Yeah, I get that he was upset about possibly being traded a month or so ago, but let's examine this a little more closely and show what a liar and hypocrite Jay is.

One, when Mike Shanahan was fired, he whined for a trade. Eventually, that was smoothed over after talking with new coach Josh "I'm Only 32 But A Legend In My Own Mind" McDaniels.

Then news leaked out that McDaniels had the audacity to listen to trade offers for His Highness. What's that, Jay? You think you're like your boyfriend, Brett Favre, and can act like a de facto GM?

So after that horrifying news leaked out, it was done. Jay-Jay wanted a trade. He wouldn't return messages from the coach or the OWNER, Pat Bowlen. He even sacrificed a $100,000 bonus by not taking part in the team's off-season activities.

After the crybaby declined to return over 10 text messages a few days ago, the team said "Fuck off, bitch" and announced that if he wanted a trade, he'd get one.

And then Cutler had the fucking nerve to say that he never asked for a trade! WHAT? Are you serious, little boy? The spoiled brat said that he never expected it "to come to this".

YOU'RE the one who made it "come to this", Cutler. You're the one who embarrassed your team, your coach, your teammates, and your owner. You're the one who disrespected every Bronco fan in the world. And it's everybody else's fault but yours.

How Trent Dilfer of you.

And, of course, teams like Tampa, Washington, Cleveland, etc.... lined up to inquire. Cleveland bowed out when they heard that fuckass wouldn't want to be coached by Mangini.

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The rest of the teams bowed out when Chicago offered two first rounders, a third rounder, QB Kyle Orton for crybaby and a fifth rounder.

How's your ass feel, Chi-town? You just got schooled by a rookie head coach and rookie GM. The fans, of course, are deliriously happy right now. And for good reason: Crybaby is really good.

But will the baby be as good with a weakass group of wide receivers to throw to? Will the fans be happy when Cutler demands a new contract in the next day or two that will run around 40 to 50 million at least?

Will the fans be happy whenthey watche Denver draft high-quality starters with all of those draft picks?

Maybe.

Will the fans be happy when Cutler goes diva again if somebody actually criticizes him? Seriously, if he can't work with a strong-willed coach like Mangini or McDaniels, then Lovie Smith better start rubbing his feet the second he arrives for his press conference tomorrow.

Character counts. Sorry. Terrell Owens is a brilliant WR. A sure-fire Hall of Famer. But he's an asshole. He wears out his welcome really fast.

If TO had pulled this shit--and, really, he has in his own way--ESPN and Chi-town journalists would be ripping him a new one. Cutler pulls it and you hear crickets chirping.

But isn't Jay just another TO? One that leaks out info to the media and stays home and sulks? One that refuses to man up and meet his head coach man to man without his douche bag agent, Bus Cook (shockingly, the man who is also Brett the Diva's agent) holding his hand? One that refuses to talk to one of the most respected owners in the league?

He couldn't even do THAT?

I'm glad Tampa didn't get too caught up in this and give away the farm like Chicago. I'm glad Cleveland bowed out.

Cutler's often been called "the next Brett Favre". Well, he's as arrogant, self-centered and petulant as ol' Brett ever was, that's for sure.

Let's see if after a season or two, Chicago fans are lamenting the day they mortaged their future for a disrepectful, arrogant crybaby like "the next Brett Favre".

Don't cry, Denver fans. Winning cures everything, and I think the Broncos will be doing a lot of winning in a couple of seasons.

And Chicago can draft a top receiver for Cutler in....oh....say.....2011.

(Originally posted 4-3-2009)

More On Winslow

More on Winslow....

Bud Shaw is a columnist for The Plain Dealer in Cleveland. His thoughts on the KW trade and why Browns fans should be happy with it (and conversely, why Bucs fans shouldn't be).

Trade of Kellen Winslow can work for Cleveland Browns coming and going -- Bud Shaw Blog

Friday February 27, 2009, 1:20 PM

Bud Shaw weighs in on the Winslow trade from the Indians spring training in Goodyear, Ariz.

First impressions of the Kellen Winslow trade:

The Browns picked up needed draft picks and rid themselves of a diva who was quick to declare himself underpaid and not so willing to take into account the $11 million or so he made his first two damaged-goods seasons in the league.

It's difficult to measure the benefits of the deal on the receiving end without knowing more about the draft picks involved and the smarts of the new GM and head coach in making the most of them.

But parting ways with a tight end who has more character and physical issues than he's worth, who didn't hire agent Drew Rosenhaus for nothing, isn't the kind of loss that sabotages a team.

Eric Mangini is an easy target these days. But he carried out what the last regime had in mind for Winslow, too. If that makes Mangini and George Kokinis wrong, it makes Phil Savage wrong, too.

That's possible, certainly. But here's a thought for all those who admired the "soldier" in Winslow. Maybe he's the problem and not everybody else.

Mangini might use this as a statement about the kind of player he wants as a cornerstone of a rebuilding project while at the same time picking up draft picks the Browns desperately need more than they need Winslow moping around at tight end.

Winslow wants to make up for money lost through his own reckless behavior early in his career, so now he and Rosenhaus can do that somewhere else. It's difficult to imagine him improving much in Tampa even at age 25, given that he's lost a lot physically already.

Winslow made tough catches, spectacular ones, too. No denying that or the intensity he brought to games.

But he didn't bring much of anything to the locker room. He won't be missed off the field. Don't think for a minute that his teammates didn't see through the "victim" role he awarded himself in his dispute with the Browns over the staph infection business.

They knew differently. And some even went to a team official and said as much.
Rosenhaus has the same role in mind for Winslow contract wise. Now they can both take that tired old song to Tampa.

Browns fans, if you don't want Mangini and Kokinis, can WE have them? Holy cow.

(Originally posted 2-28-2009)

BA Wants DA NOW!

Anderson Trade A Possibility For BucsPosted By Roy Cummings at Feb 19, 2009 at 12:12 PMUpdated Feb 19, 2009 at 12:13 PM

INDIANAPOLIS – A lot of the talk here at the combine is centering around the Bucs and their quarterback position.Few believe the Bucs are ready to just hand the starter’s job to Luke McCown, so the question is, who they will bring in to challenge McCown for the starter’s job.Free agents such as Byron Leftwich, J.P. Losman and Patrick Ramsey are all being thrown around as possibilities but one possibility that is gaining steam would have the Bucs trading with the Browns for Derek Anderson.

Anderson has one of the strongest arms in the league as well as just about every physical tool you need to be a difference maker at his position. What he doesn’t have is a great understanding of defenses or the game’s nuances.With a little work and a bit of a push he could be developed into one of the game’s better quarterbacks and word is the Brown might take as little as a third-round pick for him.

When you consider that he’s younger than Luke McCown but has more experience than McCown it doesn’t sound like a bad option for the Bucs to consider, especially with Jeff Jagodzinski running the offense.Jagodzinski figures to be a little more aggressive than Jon Gruden was and Anderson would probably fit what he does well. Also, with Jagodzinski and Greg Olson tutoring him, Olson would likely max out on his potential.

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Buccaneer Lori wants this trade! DA for a third rounder? Way to go, Browns fans! Shit, you should at least insist on a second. I think they will end up getting a second for DA. Last year, he played for a bad, bad team. Sorry, Browns fans, it isn't always the QB when your team blows. And that was the case last year.

No running game, a bad o-coordinator, a pathetic defense, a horrid GM, an average coach, and one of the worst WR groups in the league, but it's all DA's fault. I know you all want to run him out of town instead of trying to get the best deal for him. Brilliant, Browns nation.

Absolutely brilliant. Instead of trying to get a second or even late first rounder, you just want him gone. You people never disappoint in your raging stupidity.

Personally, I think the guy who wrote the article is full of shit. Mangini and Kokinis aren't idiot fans--they're proven NFL guys who don't react and act. They're going to wait and get the best deal for DA that they can--and that isn't some third rounder (at least not this early in the offseason). And if that means waiting until the draft gets close, so be it.

Just because their douche bag fan base is impatient doesn't mean that they have to be. I saw one post from a Detroit newspaper that just cracked me up. Lions fans were talking about trying to get DA. Opinion was mixed, though fairly warm towards the idea. And one idiot actually proposed that the Lions swap their top overall pick to the Browns in exchange for the Browns fifth overall pick, DA, and Cleveland's second rounder.

This just shows that idiots can get internet access. That would be the stupidest thing the Browns could do (and Mangini and Kokinis wouldn't do it of course). Typical fan thinking. Moron.

First, the trade is massively unfavorable for the Browns: They move up five spaces in exchange for a second rounder and DA? WTF? Then, nobody wants the top overall pick--the price is way too high. And a player the Browns want will be there at the fifth spot at a cheaper price (Aaron Curry, Malcom Jenkins....).

Finally, the Browns need MORE draft picks, not less. The asshole who posted that probably thinks that the Lions will go to the Super Bowl next year. Fucking 10 year-olds. This is what Madden has done to football fans: they think building a roster is like playing a fucking computer game.

Meanwhile, us Bucs fans are stuck with Luke McNown as our starter for now. Screw that! Luke McNown? Really, Tampa Bay? Really?

Good grief, offer Cleveland a 2nd and fifth rounder and GET DA NOW! Do you know how many teams will give DA a good look? KC, NYJ, Detroit and Carolina, will just to name a few. Then how about some wild cards like Seattle, SF, and St. Louis? All it takes is one other team to raise the bidding (that's an auction reference, Browns fans).

Or--oh geniuses that own and run the Bucs--do you think that Byron Leftwich, J.P. Losman, or Patrick Ramsey can provide something more? Suckwich, Loserman, and Ram-it-sey couldn't do the job in the past--on GOOD teams--and they won't do it now. In 2007, the Browns were pretty solid and DA lit it up. Last year, there were too many injuries and too little depth (well done, Phil Savage) for any QB to overcome.

Jon Kitna? No thank you very much. Gus Ferrotte? Shoot me. It's bad enough you fucked up and fired Gruden and replaced him with some d-backs coach who is all of 32. Don't compound the mistake by giving turning us into the Vikings--a great team with no good QB.

GET DEREK ANDERSON NOW!

(Originally posted 2-19-2009)

If Buccaneer Lori Were The Browns New GM

And a soul, a sense of perspective, some patience, respect for your own players, and a realization that the world doesn't end at the banks of Lake Erie. Just sayin'.

Don't worry, Browns "fans"! Your new GM, Buccaneer Lori, will fix your team!

That way, you don't have to keep hoping that DA gets hit by a truck (you miserable shits).

I think Randy Lerner finally has it right. A great coach in Eric Mangini and George Kokinis as the new GM. Kokinis has the endorsement of the great Ernie Accorsi, and that's good enough for me.

1. Bye-bye, Braylon Edwards! You can be a very good wide receiver sometimes. But you're a baby, a prima dona, and drop balls more than you catch them. You're a boom or bust guy, but on an established, talented team, you could turn into the next Larry Fitzgerald (sigh....what class!) A change of scenery will stimulate and energize your career.Braylon Edwards to the NY Giants for their 2009 1st round pick and WR David Tyree.

2. Bye Bye Kellen Winslow. Hey, it's not the Browns fault you did serious damage to your knee a few years ago in that motorcycle accident. You've had several surgeries on it and you've lost some of your speed--that's why you're getting so many penalities for pushing off. But you'll still be an elite tight end for a few more years.

Oh, and you want one more big payday, huh? Well, don't expect it from the Browns. They've been more than generous with you, giving you a chance to recoup your original bonus money after the accident. You're a great short-term solution/playmaker for a team on the cusp of making the Super Bowl.And that team's Philadelphia.KW to the Eagles for a 2009 1st rounder or a 2009 2nd rounder and tackle Winston Justice.

3. Get Jamal a running buddy. Literally. Jamal's worth keeping. Cap-friendly contract, experience, heart, and can still grind it out. But Jamal is on the wrong side of 30, and needs another big stud running back to tote the rock. This will keep the big guy fresh and rejuvenate his career. And more and more NFL teams are utilizing offenses that feature two solid running backs (Dallas, San Diego, etc....).

4. Trade DA. Derek was treated like crap by Browns fans. You NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER cheer a player's injury, especially if he plays for your own team. That was disgusting, Browns fans. Grow the fuck up.

Browns fans, you might think DA is garbage, but I assure you he is not. The Browns need to move ahead with Quinn, who'll fit in better with Mangini's offensive schemes. But it's time to trade DA and get a 2nd for him. Minnesota, Kansas City, Tampa, Carolina are teams that could be a good home for him. Trust me, before that second Baltimore game, DA had been turning it around. You were just so horny for Quinn that you couldn't see it.

Enjoy watching DA tear it up for another team, geniuses. Then maybe you can send him an apology. All the guy did was try to carry a shitty team on his shoulders and win. You don't think a team would part with a 2nd rounder for a former pro bowler with his arm? Quit smoking crack. I have a Jets friend who said he'd take DA "in a heartbeat".

Browns Draft:Original pick (5th overall): Rey Maulalua (linebacker, USC) or Aaron Curry (linebacker, Wake Forest).Picks from Eagles and Giants, two from the following group: Clay Matthews (linebacker, USC); Brian Cushing (linebacker, USC); Alex Mack (center, Cal); Shonn Green (RB, Iowa).

2nd Round picks: Best corner or safety available and a player from the top group that hasn't already been selected.I only covered the first two rounds as former GM Phil "Most Overrated Talent Evaluator In History" pissed away the Browns 2009 third rounder on a tight end nobody would've taken to select him in the fourth round last year.

Thanks to "Trader Phil", the Browns currently only have 1, 2, 4, and 6 round picks. Idiot. Good luck to Mangini and Kokinis. I think the Browns are on their way to finally building this team.

But Eric and George, listen to the Queen. She knows what she's talking about.

(Originally posted 1-29-2009)

Gruden's A Winner! Glazers Are Losers!

Yeah. This guy really sucks. Bad coaches win Super Bowls, right?

Jon will be back in 2010!

There will be several coaches on the hot seat in the 2010 season.

I predict the following coaches could be in danger after next season:

Brad Childress in Minnesota;
Jim Zorn in Washington;
Wade Phillips in Dallas;
Sean Payton in New Orleans;
Jack Del Rio in Jacksonville;
Dick Juaron in Buffalo;
Lovie Smith in Chicago;
John Fox in Carolina;
Gary Kubiak in Houston.


You can rule out the following teams as they've hired coaches this past offseason:

St. Louis has just hired Steve Spagnulo from the Giants;
Cleveland just hired Eric Mangini;
Detroit just hired Jim Shwartz;
Seattle just promoted Jim Mora, Jr.;
Denver's just hired Josh McDaniels from New England;
The NY Jets (who foolishly fired Mangini) will probably hire Rex Ryan from the Ravens;
Indy just promoted Jim Caldwell after the wonderful Tony Dungy retired;
Kansas City is in the process of finding a new head coach. It won't be Jon.


So those teams won't be in the running.Ryan and Lexie cried last night that Gruden wasn't fired earlier (I made them feel much better today, though, heh).


Let's look at the other teams in the NFL.
Oakland?
No way does Gruden go back to work for the senile Al Davis.

San Diego?
Norv Turner's done a pretty good job for a guy who's supposedly so horrible. No.

Cincinnati?
Great fit, but the owner will keep Marvin Lewis, a good coach who has to work for a miserly cheap owner.

Baltimore?
No way. Harbaugh has stepped in and the club hasn't missed a beat.

Pitt?
No way. Mike Tomlin's doing fine.

Tenn?
No way. They have Jeff Fisher, one of the best coaches in the league.

Miami?
Nope. Tony Sparano's entering only his second season and is doing well.

New England?
Nope. Bill Bellicheat has that job until he doesn't want it.

Arizona?
Nope. Whisenhunt's the man there.

Philly?
Hmmmmm....nope. Good fit, but Andy Reid's going nowhere.

San Francisco?
Nope. They just named Mike Singletary the permanent head coach.

Green Bay?
Nope. McCarthy ain't going nowhere....unless the team craps out again....and it won't.

Atlanta? Nope. Mike Smith is turning out to be a great coach.

So, where does my NFL boyfriend end up? There are always big time college jobs out there. There's speculation that he could end up at Notre Dame. No way. It'd cost those fools millions to buy out Charlie Weiss' contract. Bet that ten year extension they gave him doesn't look so great now.

I don't see Jon going back to the college ranks. And there are just too many possibilities to consider anyway. So where does he end up if he takes an NFL job?

Buffalo: Nope. Ralph Wilson won't pony up the dough.

New Orleans: Obviously, it would be intriguing as Tampa's division rival. It would be a great fit. Big time city, star-studded roster, veteran QB.

Minnesota: Interesting, but I don't see it happening. I think if they fire Childress, Shanahan will end up there. I don't know why, just a hunch.

Jacksonville? Possibly.

Carolina: Interesting possibility if the Panthers collapse next year and Fox gets canned. I think they'll be okay, but Jon has ties to the state of Tenn and Carolina ain't that far away. Just sayin'.

Houston: Hmmmmmm...... Big city. Possible. Not probable.

There are really three cities that would fit a coach of Jon's stature: Washington, Dallas, and Chi-town.At this point, it's a matter of weighing the positives rather than focusing on the negatives. All are good possibilities.

Dallas: Great fit. But one problem: Gruden's too strong a personality for Jerry Jones to hire. And Gruden won't put up with pissy prima donas like Terrel Owens. Don't believe me? Ask Keyshawn Johnson. But if Jones can quit signing douchebags and stay somewhat quiet, it's certainly a possility.

Chicago: Wow. It could fit.

Washington, D.C.: This is where Jon ends up. Dan Snyder will fire Jim Zorn after the 2009 season and back up the Brinks truck to hire Gruden. The current GM, Vinny Cerrato, will be "promoted" to another position and Jon will bring in Bruce Allen to be his GM.

Prediction: Jon Gruden will be hired as the Redskins' head coach as early as December and no later than today's date in 2010.

Here's the list, in order, of where Jon coud end up, most likely to least likely.

1. Washington, D.C.
2. Chicago Bears
3. New Orleans Saints
4. Carolina Panthers
5. Dallas Cowboys
6. Houston Texans
7. Jacksonville Jaguars
8. Minnesota Vikings
9. Buffalo Bills


Oh, that Bill Cowher guy? I think he ends up in Carolina. He has a home in that area and the situation's perfect for him if they want to shell out the big bucks. Forget Dallas. Cowher won't put up with the shit going on there. Jerry Jones needs a more passive coach than Gruden or Cowher. That's why Jimmie Johnson left. And why Parcells left.

Both Gruden and Cowher would chase T.O. out of there with a baseball bat. Neither man puts up with that type of crap. It's why they're such great coaches.Enjoy your year off, Jon! I'll always root for you!

Fuck the Glazers.

(Originally posted 1-19-2009)

Hey Pussy Glazer Boys! Got Sumtin' Fer You!

Malcom, you and your pissy little ass sucking sons can KISS MY ASS , you dickless asshats!

(Originally posted 1-17-08)

Browns Players Agree With The Queen!

From ESPN: If Anderson's injury wasn't tough enough to take, some Browns fans made it worse by cheering when the former Pro Bowler crumpled to the turf. The negative reaction was not well received by Anderson's teammates.

."It made me upset," defensive tackle Shaun Smith said. "When you see stuff like that happening, it could have been a career-ending injury. He was your quarterback last year and went to the Pro Bowl, everybody was cheering for him then. For you to cheer for him to get hurt, that's not good, that's like me being at your family member's funeral and being happy they died. That's not a good sign."For people to cheer, that's no class at all."

Pretty bad when your own team calls you classless, huh Browns fans?


(Originally posted 12-1-08)

Ohhhhhhh When The Bucs....

Come marchin' in....oh when the Bucs come marchin' in....I want to be in that number, when the Bucs come marchin' in!

BUCS 23 SAINTS 20

The Bucs are 9-3! Wooooooohooooooo! Saints fans, if you're upset with the loss, just do what Cleveland does and boo Derek Anderson.

(Originally posted 11-30-08)

Congrats, Browns Fans!

This make you happy, Browns fans? DA in pain with torn knee ligaments?

DA is out for the rest of the year now with a knee injury. So instead of being happy you had two legitimate QB prospects, you don't have any now that BQ is out with a broken finger.

Of course you blame today's loss on DA. It's his fault his o-line collapsed the second the ball was hiked and he was hammered like a pinata and fumbled. If it had been Quinn, you'd be screaming at the o-line.

Except for my boyfriend, you Browns fans deserve it. And even HE'S sick of you people. Booing an injured DA? You miserable fucks. And they say Philly fans are bad?Boyfriend's starting to wonder how much more he can take. He has to listen to you idiots whine like dogs for the Browns to draft OSU players every year.

He has to listen to you talk about how important it is to get "local boys" to play for the team (hey, idiots, that has nothing to do with winning). The losing? He can deal with that. It's you people that wear on him. Everybody not from Ohio sucks. They only play "real" football in the Big 10 (what a fucking delusion THAT is--Florida and Alabama would destroy OSU just like...USC DID!).

Well, now that DA has played his last game as a Brown, you don't have to worry about the horrible DA ruining what little talent--and I do mean little--you have on your team. You don't have to boo the guy anymore. Your scapegoat is as good as gone. You don't have to shoot down excuses for DA's mistakes like you do for Quinn. You don't have to dismiss pro-DA opinions like Bill Cowher's and Dan Marino's. You can have your Golden Child next year.

He won't be able to do what DA couldn't, but you can buy your Brady Fatheads and jack off to him.Enjoy the rest of the season with Ken Dorsey as your starting QB, you know-nothing losers. I'll enjoy watching Derek start for a real team who has a real coach and real GM next year.

That's right, kiddies. Romeo isn't the answer as your coach, but Phil Savage is even less of an answer as your GM. In typical Browns fan fashion, you all defend the GM who can't draft or evaluate talent; it's easier just to blame RAC for the whole mess.

Oh, and my Bucs--a REAL team with REAL fans--sent the Saints marching home today, 23-20.Suck on THAT, you drunk, classless assholes.

Boo DA? Fuck you. Boo yourselves. Then again, you did cheer when Tim Couch was injured a few years ago, so I guess none of this should be a surprise. Great city. Great tradition. Lousy football fans. Oh, you always yap about being "loyal".

That's right....you're "loyal".Yeah, you're so loyal you boo your own players! Wow! You're so loyal you make fat jokes about an honorable man, Romeo Crennel. You're so fucking loyal you don't give a shit about a guy who busts his ass for his team laying on the ground with a torn-up knee.

Yeah, you're loyal. You don't deserve Cowher or Marty or any other great coach. Who'd want to go there? You don't deserve a winner. Well, except for the few good fans like this guy, who wrote:

"BROWNS PLAYERS DESERVE BETTER THEN TODAY. TODAY MADE ME SICK AS A FAN. BOOING A HURT BROWN CLASSIC CLEVELAND WAY TO GO FANS FOR SETTING US BACK EVEN FURTHER."

Now fans like HIM deserve a winner! I bet there are like...at least eleven or so other fans like him up there!

(Originally posted 11-30-2008)

Goodbye Annika!

Nothing but class! You will be missed!

(Originally posted 11-22-08)

Hey, Dilfer, Got A Sec?

Mr. Game Manager's highest single season completion rate was a whopping 59 percent. The "lucky" beneficiary? Cleveland.

Hey, Dickhead.

What's up, DilBust? You got a few minutes?

You did know that Buccaneer Lori has been watching you, don't you? All these years, she's been watching. Not closely. You weren't worth the time. But BL keeps her ears open. She has sources. And her sources tell her that you've been a big, fat, phony your whole career.

Got a question, babe. Did you take lessons from your former Ravens teammate, Tony Siragusa, on how to run to any television camera you see like a starving dog running to a bowl of Alpo?

This bothers me. You bother me. It's bad enough my Bucs pissed away years, money, and a first rounder on some overrated QB from Fresno State in 1994, but now I have to see your stupid face on ESPN all the time. And before that, on the NFL Network.

It's always the same thing with you, huh Pilfer? At least it was during your career, right? Great guy, team guy, great game manager, blah blah blah blah.

Well, Mr. Great Teammate, the first thing you did after being drafted was......hold out.

Anyway, I won't go too much into the gory details of your Tampa Bay days. It's too painful. Funny how your best season came when we got Warrick Dunn and Mike Alstott.

What a co-inkeedink! Your career got better when he got really good running backs!

Your last four seasons.....58 touchdowns passes. Huh. That's.....14.5 a year. And I'm not even including that horrid rookie year that made all of us nearly overdose on Excedrin.

Oh, you did throw for a 2,700 thousand yards each of those years. That works out to 168 yards a game. Right. Shit, look out Peyton! You got company!

Thanks Wikipedia, for the stats. I had blocked them from my memory.

Anyway, you were so awesome, the Bucs let you go in favor of....Shaun King. Enough said.

It was tough seeing you go though. I mean, you can only attend so many celebration parties in one offseason. You can only drink so many bottles of champaign. You can only cry so many tears of joy.

You're resilient though, Mr. Great Teammate, and soon you found another leg to hump. And you took command (snicker, ha ha, larf) of the Ravens offense after replacing the immortal Tony Banks. Well, if you consider riding that defense and handing the ball off 100 times a game to Jamal Lewis to be "taking command".

And then one day, you, of all people.....had a fucking Super Bowl ring. One horrible day, awful, evil day.....you were a Super Bowl winning quarterback.

Make. Me. Puke.

But you were so great, the Ravens rewarded your efforts by releasing you after you "managed" them to the title and signing Elvis Grbac. I would've done the same thing, Mr. Game Manager.

Game manager, my ass. Game managers, good ones at least, actually can complete more than five passes a game. Calling you a game manager is an insult to the great game managers of the past, like Montana, Young, Theismann (another douchebag), and to a lesser extent, the guy whose water you carried in Seattle, Matt Hasslebeck. It's the kind of QB I project BQ to be.

I hate it when journeymen QBs are called "game managers". There's a lot to being a successful game manager. They win with their brains as much as their arms.

Game managers run offenses. They complete lots of precise timing passes. They do a ton more than just stick their fucking arm out and give the ball to the running back and complete a few screen passes. They move the chains.

Game managers don't just prevent their teams from losing; game managers guide their teams to victory with intelligence, caution, smart passing, lots of completions, and, well, leadership.

You sir, have none of those qualities or skills.

Trent, anybody can perform the rather simple process of telling the offense what play is being run, making the count, and handing off the football and running in the opposite direction. That's not game management; it's game maintenance, and there's a huge difference between the two. A game manager wins games; a game maintenance QB just struggles not to lose games and lets his teammates compensate for his lack of skills.

You'd know about that. You'd know a lot about that. So would Ray "Stabby-Stabby" Lewis, Siragusa, Jamal Lewis, Jonathan Ogden and the rest of your Ravens teammates--they had to carry you.

So off you went to Seattle. Oh, you won a few there while you started in place of Hasslebeck. Uh huh. And we all know how you did it, didn't you? You handed the ball of a lot, made incredibly safe screen and dump off passes, and maintained like no other.

Sooooooooooooooooooooo.......you got injured. Well, that was the only reason you got to start to begin with in Seattle--an injury to the incumbent QB. A healthy Matt Hasslebeck was clearly much more talented than you, and you had only been signed to back him up to begin with. Matt reclaimed his starting spot and you returned to Home Sweet Home: the bench.

In 2005, the Cleveland Browns fell victim to the dual myths of you being Mr. Great Guy and Mr. Game Manager. Yah. They had just drafted a kid out of Akron named Charlie Frye. You would start there until he was ready. They needed a mentor and team guy, and hey, who is more of a team guy than you, huh? So they sent a pick to Seattle and off to Cleveland you went!

Another city to con. Another team to suck for. Another fan base to disappoint. Another wave of "Hey, Trent's a GAH-RATE team guy!". Yah.

So how'd you do? Well, you sucked so much Charlie was deemed "ready" before he really was. Hey, I know I was shocked to the very core of my being.

Hey, Dildouche, do you remember that slant route in Pitt? Braylon Edwards was wide open, cutting over the middle. Put the ball in his hands and it's 80 yards of green turf ahead of him. Yah, you overthrew him by a few feet. I remember the camera angle: all green in front of Edwards. Complete that pass, the Browns take a lead and maybe pull out a win.

If....but....uh....ah....maybe.....oh so close! The story of your career! It's always sumtin'!

So later on in the season, the Browns wanted Charlie to take a few snaps during a beatdown of the Dolphins. You, being a mentor, would have no problem with that, right?

How did you react, Mr. Great Guy?

You sulked at the end of the bench. You whined to the media. In short, you probably made the kid feel like garbage. That's the real Trent Dilfer, Trent. A real "great guy" would've encouraged the kid, congratulated him, and kept his anger to himself. You weren't being pulled for good. They just wanted to give the kid some game time experience in a game in which they had a big lead. You could've been a great guy, like your pr agent says you are.

But not you, Mr. Swell. Nope.

After the season, in May 2006, you wanted out of Cleveland. The official reason: you didn't like the then offensive-coordinator, Maurice Carthon. That was probably true. Carthon was widely considered to be incompetent (Parcells wouldn't let him call plays in Dallas), arrogant, and unapproachable. Boyfriend even told me that Carthon called the wrong blocking schemes.

Well, Dilwood, you could've sucked it up and do what most working people do: work through it.

Oh wait. Real men and real women suck it up. You, on the other hand, threatened to take your ball and go home. Uh huh. You said you'd retire if you weren't traded. You know what the real reason you wanted out? A kid fresh out of the MAC was already your equal.

You saw the handwriting on the wall. You had proven once again that you was merely mediocre.

Hey, remember how you wanted revenge on the Ravens the first time you started against them as a Brown? I can still hear Baltimore laughing. What a fucking joke.

So the Browns just said, "Whatever." They sent you to the 49ers. They got a 7th rounder and, ironically, Ken Dorsey, who has done what you never would: mentor young QBs. He worked with DA. He worked with Charlie. And he's spent the last two seasons working with BQ.

That is what a real teammate is all about, Dildoof. That's a real "great guy".

Well, I'm sure the good folks in SF were ready for a mentor for Alex Smith (judging from Smith's disappointing career, I'm sure that you actually did mentor him). And the mediocre game maintenance guy that is you started a few games for them when Smith was injured. Smith came back and was ineffective and you started some more.

Oh, on and on I go. Same old story. You started only because everyone around you sucked. That should've been your retirement speech: "I was less horrible than the other QBs."

Sometime near the end of your last season, you started showing up on the NFL Network.

Oh, look what great guy Trent was doing! So humble! Such a nice feller! Aw shucks!

You were prepping your sorry ass for a television career. Trent, I think I even saw you on there the day before a 49ers game. You weren't starting by that time, so I guess you thought it was more important to be whoring yourself on the NFL Network than to be prepping for the next day's game. Nah, more important to be auditioning than to help your team.

Whatever.

And Trent, sure as shit, after the season, the 49ers did what so many other teams have done: told you to get the fuck out. You didn't care. You had injured yourself in the offseason playing basketball (wow, what a shock for such an athlete; you probably dibbled it off your tiny nutsack), and said you had been planning to retire anyway.

Of course. ESPN (sucks) came a-calling and you took that gig faster than you could overthrow Yao Ming on an alley oop or hit a corner on the numbers.

Sorry about the mixed metaphor, Trent. I know things like that confuse you.

And guess what? You're still a flop. You still suck. That cheap shot session you took against your former coach and your former GM in C-Town showed just what you are: a bitter hack.

A hack QB. A hack mentor (how'd your protege David Carr do in the NFL?). A hack commentator. A hack person. You're a whiny bitch, and nothing else.

You're a fraud, Dilsuck. You always have been. You're a hypocrite. You always have been.

So last night, I'm all excited. I can watch me some college football. Oh. Fresno State versus Nevada. WAC game. Huh. Well, that's okay. So I hop on my computer and just have the game on as background noise. And what do my ears pick up?

"Hey, look who we found!" said one of the announcers.

OH FUCK ME! ARE YOU SERIOUS?

And there you were, jackass, smiling your phony, shit-eating smile, holding a mic, and sucking up all the attention and watered-down glory you could get. The patron saint of terrible QBs was basking in the glow of a battle of a WAC game. The Great Guy had returned home to his roots.

Trent, what kind of pathetic loser flies from CT to CA to see a meaningless WAC game? Oh, a pathetic loser who knows that his employer is covering the game! And it was your old school! Of course YOU'D be there! The legend! I bet the fans all accidentally wet themselves when he showed up!

"Hey, dude. That's TRENT DILFER!" "THE Trent Dilfer?" "Yeah!" "I hope I can suck at my job and make as much as he did!" "Yeah, that guy rules! I'm totally skipping my trig exam on Monday in honor of Trent!"

Hey, I bet you even show up to all of the Fresno State games that ESPN doesn't televise! Yah, uh huh. Sure you do, starving Alpo dog. Sure you do.

I can see you begging your bosses at ESPN (sucks) to let you fly out to make your "surprise" appearance. "I'll pay for the flight! Just put me on the air! PLEASE!"

Yeah, you're the guy who called an NFL team "dysfunctional". Shit, look who's talking. Yeah, if anyone knows dysfunctional, it's a loser like you. If anything, dumping your sorry ass proves the Browns are at least functional at some level.

Oh....one more thing about that whole rant against benching DA? You and Derek share the same agent. (Wow, ESPN. How many conflicts of interest are needed to actually tell a guy like this to shut up?)

BL opposed benching DA for all the right reasons; you, Diljerk, opposed it for all the wrong reasons. How typical. How not surprising. How very, very Trent Dilfer. Nothing says "Dilfer" than doing something self-serving and indulgent.

Dilbitch, I probably could've kept my yap shut had you not gone and ripped your former coach and an honorable man, Romeo Crennel as well as Phil Savage. Oh, not that you did it by name. Nooooooo.....you just referred to "that organization".

I'm not a Browns fan. But that would've offended me no matter who you attacked. You aren't credible. You attacked not to defend DA, but to take cheap shots at a team you mistakenly think treated you unfairly.

This has nothing to do with you being a bad QB. There's no fault in that. Many have tried, many have failed. Hey, you were good enough to hang around for many years. No, my issue with you is your attitude and that you're a phony. My issue is with you, not your skills (snicker).

In other words, it's a lack of character issue, not your lack of talent issue.

Don't blame the Browns for giving you what you wanted. Don't blame the Browns for realizing what three other teams before them did: that you are not a good quarterback. You're barely mediocre. That's your fault and nobody else's.

Yeah, Trent. You're a great guy. You're swell. Great team guy. Great person. A great locker room presence. A team leader. A positive influence.

Right Trent. You're all that.

And I'm still a virgin.

(Originally posted on 11-09-2008)

Ahem

Romeo should be forced to wear this the rest of the year.

A couple of days ago, I wrote:

"And benching Derek is not fair, it's not smart, and it won't make this team any better. Better coaching and better receivers will."

Hmmmm.....I think I'll repeat that!

"And benching Derek is not fair, it's not smart, and it won't make this team any better. Better coaching and better receivers will."

Tonight, Crennel found himself up by ten points against a team with NO running backs and no running game to speak of. Denver lost its starting running back and had to rely on one with a groin injury. They just abandoned the running game. They had no choice.

Crennel couldn't adjust and lost. Knew the pass was coming every time....and still lost. Rushed 3 guys most of the time and ran this shitty zone crap that never works. It doesn't work in pee-wee football and it doesn't work in the NF fucking L.

It. Never. Works.

On Denver's last drive, they threw in the end zone to Marshall and it was incomplete. Chris Collinsworth said that he wouldn't be surprised if Cutler went right back to Marshall with the exact same play.

I was on IM with boyfriend. He said, "Jackass Collinsworth's right. Watch. Marshall will get single coverage again and put the game away."

So they ran the exact same play. The second time, it worked. No adjustment....single coverage....

Boyfriend: "They're done. They won't come back. RAC's done after this year."

They didn't come back. They never should have been in that position to begin with! You don't take your foot off the gas pedal when you're beating a team! You don't play prevent defense in the third quarter!

You don't try and run out the clock with more than a minute left in the game! This is the second straight game that the Browns had a team down by 10 or more in the third quarter.....only to go soft on both sides of the ball and lose.

Tonight's game was inexcusable. Denver was reeling...staggering. And once again, the Brownies let a wounded animal out of it's cage. Shit, I'm surprised Crennel didn't offer Jerome Harrison to Denver so they could run the ball.

Speaking of that quick, little running back....why'd they stop giving him touches? Oh, because it was working. Can't have that. I've never seen a team stop doing what was working more than the Browns. They have a ton of talent......but horrible coaching.

Solid aggressive defense--until they get the lead. Creative, effective offense--until they get the lead. Playing not to lose, never playing to win. Sheesh. How do Browns fans put up with this crap year after year? Time for a coaching change at the end of the season. Unbelievable.

I'm not even a Browns fan and I'm offended. It's a joke. Okay, I have a vested interest because I want a happy boyfriend.

Yah, Quinn, to paraphrase Denny Green, is who we thought he was. A smart QB with tons of talent. He did just fine in his debut. He'll be a great QB. He gets Buccaneer Lori's seal of approval.

But benching DA was still stupid. He isn't the problem and never was. So Quinn maniacs, try and get that through your thick skulls, if you can stop drooling over your Brady Fathead.

No, the defense is soft, can't tackle, and can't get off the field. The offense stalls when it gets the lead. The whole team locks up and stops playing aggressively. Oh, and they can't run a no-huddle offense. Can you believe that shit?

That's on the coaching staff. So don't bench the QB......

Bench the head coach. Permanently.

And for the record, I think the QB switch was called by the front office, not the coach. Let's get the fans excited about something. How about winning? That might excite them.

From what boyfriend has told me, this coach has been mismanaging games since his arrival in C-town. I believe it. I didn't pay them much nevermind until we started seeing each other. Holy cow. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

Players couldn't line up correctly. Play clock would expire time and again. Mismangement all over the place. So the debacles we've seen against Dallas (going for a field goal when down by two touchdowns late in the fourth) and Baltimore, as well as everything else just isn't that much of a shock anymore.

Boyfriend takes no pleasure in wanting a man fired. I sure don't. From all accounts, most people love this man. Good guy. But there are only 32 positions like this in the world. Only the best should get them.

Well, 31. I mean, let's face it: who wants to work for Al Davis?

I'm just grateful to be a Bucs fan.......

Did I mention that benching DA wouldn't make this team any better?

(Originally posted 11-7-2009)

Yeah, Baby!

Buccaneer Lori pulled some serious ass double duty tonight!

Using my magical pirate powers, I flew between the Trop and Raymond James Stadium tonight, sprinkling "win dust" over each, and guaranteeing a super-special night for the greater Tampa area!

The Bucs defeated the 'Hawks and the Tampa Fucking Rays are going to the World Series!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

It don't get better den dis!

Vince Naiomoli? Suck it, you bitch! Fuckkkkkkkkkkkk you! You kept this team in the gutter for years! Now that you're gone....they're winning. So suck on that, you cheap jackoff! Keeping our best prospects down in the minors just so they wouldn't reach arbitration too soon? WTF? And that's just the start with you. Up yours. Now the team has REAL owners.

Matt Garza? You are entitled to a Bucaneer Lori lap dance, baby!


(Originally posted 10-20-2008)

Thanks Rays. Thanks A Lot.

Last night, Shelly took me out to the Cold Stone Creamery for a treat. When we got there, we kissed for a bit. One thing led to another and she dared me to do a little self-pleasuring in the back of the parking lot. Soon, my finger was replaced by hers. Don't worry, I returned the favor.

I love car sex.

Yes. I am sex-crazed. I admit it. Wait....admit it? Proud of it. Sex is a good thing. A great thing. But it's not like it's always on my mind.

Can you believe the Browns Monday night performance? That's how they're capable of playing. Ryan was absolutely thrilled. He's a big Derek Anderson supporter, so that was definitely icing on the cake.

Thanks Rays. FUCK! Up 7-0 in the 7th inning and they can't hold them. Kazmir pitches great and the bullpen just fucks up everything. Fucking Ortiz was bad enough....but letting J.D. "Made Of Fucking Balsawood" Drew beat 'em?

FUCK times a million!

Shit Rays, get a fucking out. Watch Boston come and win the last two in Tampa. Fucking pisses me off. Just unbelievable. What a choke job. Rays fans could taste it.....and then CRASH! Nice error in the 9th, Evan! Good job!

I just hope that they can put this fiasco out of their minds and remember that they're up 3-2 in the series.

Speaking of pissed off, how'd you all like Yahoo deleting profiles like they did? No warning. Nothing. What bullshit. And the new blogging platform remains in limbo.

Nice job, Yahoo.

I need to vent.

I know you're up, boyfriend. Your phone better be on!

(originally posted 10-17-2008)

Buccaneer Lori Brings Home The W!

No, the lady pictured above isn't Buccaneer Lori (me, of course). I chatted with a wonderful young man last night. We were talking about hot playmates and he showed me several of his faves.

All yummy.

The lady above is my all-time favorite. She was the playmate for December 1977, and her name is Ashley Cox. When I was fifteen, I was raiding my older brother's stash of Playboys (I have no clue how he got such an old issue) and found this one. Totally fell in love. Had I any doubts about liking girls, Ashley squelched them. Okay, my first girlfriend squelched them (we only kissed....but are you fucking kidding me, awesome! Yeah!).

After her Playboy appearance, she got parts in a couple of movies (Logan's Run, Night Shift) and then gave up Hollywood and moved back to Texas. I don't know much of what's happened with her over the years, though. She just dropped out of site.
Anyway, BA, that's the Ashley I was talking about. And good luck with everything; you know what I mean!

Bucs time!

Tampa Bay 27, Carolina Kitties 3. That's right! Scat cats! Out! Shoo! Them kitty cats wanted to come in a claw up our field! Well, you were temporarily declawed today!

Oh, Seahawkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkssssssssssssssssssss? You're next! Step right up! Boyfriend gave me a scouting report on your possible starting QB, Charlie Frye. I've passed it along to my celebrity boyfriend, Jon "Yummy" Gruden.

4 and 2 now! Wooooohoooooo!

Tampa Bay Rays, beat dem Red Sox tomorrow! Go go go go go go go go! Tampa power! Solar powered, Carl Crawford-driven, baseball fever. Catch it!

No seriously guys. Win or I'll totally be pissed and throw a tantrum.

This is what makes being both a football fan and bi girl great......

That's it, Jon.....bring it baby! Give me a call whenever you want!

(Originally posted 10-13-2008)