BL Doesn't Get It.....

This isn't a championship celebration, just jubilation that a goal was scored.

There are certain things in sports I don't get. Soccer is at the forefront.


Soccer elitists like to say to people like me, "You just don't get it." No shit?


Yeah, I don't get the excitement about a game that lasts over eighty or whatever minutes ending in a tie and that's all just fucking dandy.


I don't get how an American player can get butt-raped by two Slovenians and have a foul called on him, a foul that was never explained and disallowed a winning goal for the Americans. Yeah, I don't get it.


I don't get those socks. They go all the way up to the mid-thigh. That's not a good look for a guy. Why not just put on some stockings and be done with it?


I don't get how a sport can be so fucking boring that the crowd ejaculates over missed shots.


I don't get how a ball that merely hits a player in the arms can result in a "hands" call. Even if the player isn't reaching for the ball and kick hits him there, it's a foul. Huh?


I don't get why soccer pimps keep saying that one day, soccer will be big in this country. We've heard this shit for decades. Pele couldn't do it. Beckham couldn't. Nobody can. Americans don't like soccer as a rule. We like football. You know, the kind where you score more than 2 times a game.


Not only do I not get it, I'm glad I don't.



I don't get why the Glazers put Rasheed Morris and Mark Dominik in charge of the Buccaneers. Well, actually I kind of do. Jon Gruden and Bruce Allen didn't want to run the team on a payroll more befitting an Arena Football League team.


Dominik, the team's GM, made news this week. First, he addressed left tackle Donald Penn's contract status. Penn is a restricted free agent (a contridiction in terms if there ever was one) and hasn't signed the team's tender yet. He wants a long-term deal. Long-term deals mean lots of money, something the Glazers aren't really excited to part with, especially if they can keep him on the cheap for one more year.


What sucks for Penn is that he would've been an unrestricted free agent had the NFL not entered into the final year of the collective bargaining agreement without a new one in place. Once that happened, it extended the years of service required to become a free agent from five to six.


Anyway, this past week, Dominik decided that the way to handle the Penn situation was to be a complete idiot. Addressing a group of season ticket holders, he said that Penn had gained forty pounds over the course of the 2009 season due to his bad eating habits. Thus, he pretty much ate his way out of a long-term deal this off-season.


Let me get this straight. Dominik was asking us to believe that a professional football player who was a starter was able to not only keep from losing weight during the rigors of training camp, four preseason games, and sixteen regular season games but to actually gain it. Forty fucking pounds of it. He basically made Penn out to look like a big fucking pig who couldn't control his appetite.


Yeah. Okay. That's certainly believeable. Right. So is the fucking Tooth Fairy.


Then a Bucs fan site, JoeBucs.com, printed his remarks. Well, of course, that made Dominik look incredibly stupid and petty. So Dominik, clearly in control of his senses, asked the site to take them down. JoeBucs did and then Dominik decided that a bad situation could be made worse.


He proclaimed that his remarks had been "off the record." Uh....one, so what? Two, how do expect anything to be "off the record" when you're talking to a group of season ticket holders?


Well, at least we'll have another top five draft pick next April.....




I don't get what the Detroit Lions are thinking. I really don't.


The Lions, who were mismanaged for several years by Matt Millen, are now mismanaged by guys who used to work under Millen. Awesome decision there, Ford family. Treat the pink eye with Visine.


In the 2009 draft, the Lions took Matt Stafford, a quarterback from the University of Georgia. They paid him lots of money. And this kid could end up becoming, if not an elite QB, certainly a top tier QB for them.


Instead of having the kid sit on the bench and learn for a year while Daunte Culpepper--no slouch, himself--started, they declare that Stafford had won the job. I'm sure he had and that naming him the starter had nothing to do with putting asses in the seats. Nahhhhhhhhhhh.....


Stafford, though, played decently. You can't expect much from a rookie. But the real concern is the pounding he took behind a shitty offensive line. He got injured, he was beaten down, and even when a QB isn't sacked, he can still get nailed after a pass.


So the Lions took a defensive lineman, Ndamukong Suh this past draft. Brilliant. This is like repaving your driveway when your roof is leaking.


Yeah, Suh was a beast in college. IN COLLEGE. Suh was a force, a monster, and pure mayhem for opposing offensive lines. But BL's gonna let you folks in on a little secret.


Defensive linemen drafted in the first round have as big a bust rate as QBs drafted in the first round do. And it's because once these guys get to the pros, they're facing offensive linemen who are bigger, stronger and faster than anything they ever faced in college.


And instead of taking the top-rated offensive lineman, Russel Okung, and filling a giagantic need for the next ten years or more, they took Suh. They took the exciting pick. The next Julius Peppers. The next sack monster. No need to take a boring left tackle.

Ask Browns fans (use Hooked On Phonics, if need be) how happy they are that the Browns made that boring Pro Bowl left tackle, Joe Thomas, their pick at number #3 a few years ago.


Ask the Rams how drafting defensive linemen so often has worked out for them. Nice job, Millen's proteges. Nice job. Way to not protect your 60 million dollar QB, morons. Yeah, you'll be happy with Suh, but would've been much happier with Okung. But hey, Jeff "Swinging Gate" Backus will man the left tackle position well, huh?

Way to start turning this kid into the next David Carr. He's probably already hearing the footsteps of opposing defenders in his sleep. Suh ain't gonna change that.



Speaking of defensive linemen, the Bucs drafted Gerald McCoy out of Oklahoma. I dunno. You can find good defensive tackles later on in the draft, but there wasn't really anybody else that was worthy of the number three overall pick. Joe Haden, who went to the Browns, wasn't really an option.

McCoy will help with the Bucs' pourous run defense, so I guess I kind of give an ambivilent thumbs-up to the pick. I like the kid and all, but have those reservations about picking a defensive lineman so high. But he certainly fills a need. And I sure as fuck didn't want Dez Bryant, no matter how badly the Bucs needed a receiver.


I don't get how the Raiders are making a 360 turn and making fantastic moves. Their pick, at number 7, of linebacker Rolando McClain was excellent. I wouldn't have minded McClain coming to the Bucs. They upgraded their QB position by trading for Jason Campbell from the Redskins, and cut JaMarcus Russel. They also picked up a decent LB in Kamerion Wimbley for a 3rd round selection (they overpaid a bit for Wimbley, but Al Davis has always liked him).

The Raiders could surprise in 2010. I think they need another year or two of smart moves to really contend, but they took some major steps in that direction this offseason. Nicely done, Raider Nation.



I don't get one thing about the Lakers NBA Finals victory over the Boston Celtics. People keep mentioning that the Lakers are now only one championship behind the Celtics for the all-time lead, with sixteen titles.


Nobody's mentioning one little fact: That FIVE of those titles have come since 2000. That's right, at the beginning of this decade (or the end of the last one, whatever), it was sixteen to eleven, in favor of the Celts.


Then LA won three straight to cut it to sixteen to fourteen. Then, two years ago, the Celts beat LA and extended it to seventeen to fourteen. Then last year and this year, the Lakers won, cutting the margin to just one.


There's nothing really significant in all of this. Sports, like everything else, is cyclical. But it's interesting that LA has cut into Boston's title lead by a net margin of four over the past decade.


And Kobe Bryant still has more than a few years left in his prime. That should scare fans of every other team in the NBA.





I don't get how you trade a future Hall of Fame QB and expect to get better. Then again, maybe the Eagles aren't expecting to get better. At least, not this season.

A few months ago, Philly traded star QB to the Redskins for a conditional third round pick. Fucking a, is that all it costs to get a QB of that calibre who is only 32 fucking years old? Huh?

I did an entry before the trade, pimping new Philly starting QB Kevin Kolb to Browns fans. I'm a big fan of Kolb, make no mistake. He's going to be really, really good. But he's not D-Mac.

Obviously, since they would be facing this exact choice in a year or two, the Eagles made it this year. And they chose Kolb, and signed him to a nice extension.

Time will tell if it was worth it. Now the Eagles must contend with D-Mac for several seasons now and have to hope that Kolb can become the QB his predecessor was. Eagle fans, who never truly accpeted or appreciated what McNabb did for their team, will have to deal with life without him. Maybe Eagle fans should've been careful about what they wished for (right, Bucs fans?).

Kolb's development and whether McNabb can lift the Redskins to prominence in the NFC East and beyond, are two of the more interesting stories that will be worth watching this season and next (providing there is a 2011 season).

Booyah! BL Loving All This!

Brady shows his career completion percentage.

Yeah, I know......

Why don't I say more about the Bucs? Well, I will later. I told my friend--and fellow Bucs fan, Gene-that if the salary cap were still in place, the Bucs would be underneath the salary floor, the amount their required to spend on player payroll. Not too exciting. Yay. The Glazers are saving money. Awesome.

I know I'M relieved.

Yeah, I'm afraid we're looking at a scintillating 5-win season in 2010. Nice these idiots could tear down a successful franchise and replace it with this sorry excuse of a roster.

Here's the deal. It may cost more to put a winning team on the field, but you gotta spend money to make money. Winning teams get more money from jersey sales, higher fees for broadcast rights, more money at the games. Happy fans tend to spend more. It's a fucking fact.

Well, except in Cleveland, cuz they're so fucking hardcore and loyal (except when Pittsburgh comes to town and all of those self-proclaimed hardcore fans sell their tickets to Steeler fans, but hey, that's another issue).

More later on my raging adoration of Bucs fans. Uh huh. I'm pissed at them as well.

And I know, "Shut up about the Browns, Buccaneer Lori!" Hey, I get that. But like the team or not, that franchise is the one that's making news the last couple of weeks.

I know when some good shit is hitting the fan. And being the sports whore that I am, I cruise through a lot of NFL fan sites. Of course, I yap off a lot at a couple of Bucs sites. And I definitely hit one really good Browns fan site. And today, I saw perhaps the greatest quote by an awesome Browns fan who really hit his fellow fans where it hurts.

And I'll get to that wonderful post in a second. But first I need to set it up.

First off, Brady "The Best Argument For NOT Drafting Jimmy Clausen Aside From Actually Watching Clausen Play" Quinn was traded to the Denver Broncos today for a running back named Peyton Hillis a sixth round pick in the 2011 draft and a conditional pick in the 2012 draft.

Yeah, pretty big price he brought for the Browns! From what I heard, it was hard to even find a trading partner for him. I have a feeling they were going to have to call a Canadian Football League team if Denver didn't step up.

Then, just after news of that trade broke, the Browns sent linebacker Kamerion Wimbley, the Browns 2006 first round draft, to the Oakland Raiders for a third round pick in this April's draft.

Of course, now the Quinn lovers in C-Town are crying like the little bitches they are. They're ripping Mike Holmgren for the trade and predicting that Quinn will be the next starting QB in Denver. Of course, these morons are wrong. Quinn won't beat out Kyle Orton. But a Quinn cultist is a Quinn cultist. And they're already booking their tickets to Denver to explain how awesome Brady is to fans who aren't quite as enlightened as they are in all things Brady.

Bronco fans, here's a warning: When you see one of these twits come and say, "I'm a new Broncos fan!", he/she/it isn't. They're Quinn cultists and will shit, piss, drool and vomit all over your Broncos fan sites and sports talk shows, professing the greatness of a guy who throws as many passes into opposing defensive players' face masks as to his own receivers.

Tell these trolls to eat shit and bark at the fucking moon. Don't be nice. Trust me, they won't be nice to anyone who disagrees with them. They will rip Orton like he's a child molester. That's what they did to DA, and they'll do it to Orton.

They don't give a fucking care about your team, only about Quinn. They'd rather lose with Quinn than win with a real QB. And these fuckers are absolutely relentless. They're an infection. They are nothing but Quinn trolls. Tell them to fuck off the minute you see them.

They usually create names like "QuinnsFuckingAwesome", "QuinnsBestestFan", "MeNBradyBFF", "AllaboutBrady", "QuinnFutureHallofFamer", "Evry1butBQsucks", "QuinnsDickMyAss", "WishBQwasmyson," and "IWantToSuckBradysYummyCock." Trust me, they're not hard to spot.

Uh, back to C-Town. Now the beloved Golder Domer is gone and the Browns have Jake Delhomme and Seneca Wallace as their top two quarterbacks. Not overly impressive, but hey, both were better options than Quinn (and sadly, my beloved Derek Anderson as well).

My football czar boyfriend, the wonderful Mike Holmgren, has worked with the following QBs: Steve Young, Brett Favre, and Matt Hasslebeck, just to name a few. Dude kind of knows when a QB has it and when he doesn't. Clearly Quinn doesn't have it.

Anyway, the city-wide freakout/tempy tantwum had just gotten underway when the Wimbley trade was announced.

Wimbley is a good kid and good teammate. And has not been a good player since his rookie year in 2006 when he recorded 11 sacks. Kam played defensive end for--drumroll, please--Florida State.

The Browns play a 3-4 defense, which required Kam to learn a new position as an outside linebacker. Sometimes position changes like that work out. But I've always felt that if you want a fucking linebacker, draft someone who actually fucking played linebacker in college. Shit, leave 4-3 ends like Kam to teams that, uh, PLAY the 4-3 defense.

Oh, guess who passed on badass D-tackle Hiloti Ngata of the Ravens to select Wimbley? Uh huh. Phil Savage. Ngata's now one of the best defensive tackles in the NFL while Wimbley was traded for a third round draft pick.

Way to go, Phil. Phil's the Trent Dilfer/Starving Alpo Dog of fired GMs.

But I digress.

So almost everyone's ripping Homgren, the best thing to happen to Cleveland football since Bernie Kosar (you know, the former QB who Browns fans want as GM even though he has zero experience in that area), when I see the following quote.

It is fucking brilliant (emphasis is mine and the soft OLB he refers to is Wimbley):

"You naysayers make me want to puke. First off, none of you know shit. If you did, you'd be running a fucking NFL Team. Are any of you currently or have you ever worked in the NFL? Show of hands? I didn't think so. It doesn't matter if we would have traded Quinn for Peyton #$(%*#@ Manning, you'd bitch because Peyton is on the downside of his career.

You guys and your know-it-all Bullshit need to realize that there are 3, count 'em 3 people all making the calls in Cleveland now. It was a Cleveland Browns decision. If they deemed them expendable, then guess what? They were fucking expendable. Let's examine what we've lost. A qb with the brains and all the intangibles except for a real bonafide NFL arm. Didn't Holmgren say something about when you are evaluating an NFL qb, the first question is: "Can he throw it from me to you?" Guess what? Quinn didn't have the arm to succeed. He never will. Get over it.

Delhomme at least can make all the throws and he might surprise you. I believe that the powers that be are more intelligent when evaluating QB's than anyone on a fucking forum. Again, if you are so smart, go and apply as a scout for any team. Just do it, then you can tell me about how smart you are.

What else did we lose, let's see, we covered a worthless qb, okay, we lost a soft OLB. Again, get over it. Show me on film that he was worth keeping because I can tell you without any speculation whatsoever that when I watch the defense, I watched him and he was weak and a liability against the run. He couldn't get off a block. Once he was engaged by the lineman, he was done. That's why he's gone. Somebody already said it. He was a one-trick pony. All he had was that little dip the shoulder move and that's it.

As far as you Peyton Hillis haters, shut the fuck up. At his size, he runs a 4.5 forty, he's got good hands and it saves us from having to hope that Harrison can make it through the year. It also saves us from hoping that a good RB falls to us in the draft. Whenever he's been given an opportunity for extended playing time, he's surpassed expectations so again, would it have mattered if we would've gotten Knowshon Moreno from the Broncos? No because you naysayers just want to bitch so that you can tell yourselves how smart you sounded if you happen to be right.

Enough with the nonsense. DA was right, you guys don't deserve a winner because you're all a bunch of know-it-all ball busters that can never be happy. Some of you need to re-examine your lives because you will NEVER be happy. EVER. So, take a good long look at yourselves and find a new passion or something because you are the "FANS" that DA was talking about. He wasn't talking about guys like me that look for the good in everything. He was talking about you.

That line about Kam is so true. Whenever I'd watch the Browns, Kam almost ran straight into the blocker's arms and was done. Boyfriend pointed it out to me the first time we watched the Browns together. It was like some invisible force would guide him into the blocker and he'd stick like glue.

This poster is right about DA. Those bitches were exactly the ones he was referring to in that email.

And not one big, brave whiny bitch talked back to him.

Maybe he'd write something up and post it on a Bucs site to all those idiots who were crying to get Gruden fired after the 2008 season.

I mean, that worked out great, didn't it? It's awesome sucking donkey snot when instead we could be contending for a playoff berth every season. Now we get elminated by, oh, week six and get to overpay a top three selection in the draft. Awesome. Now I can finally devote my Sundays to something more exciting than watching the Bucs win: the Pro Bowlers Tour.

Yeah, Pete Weber, baby!

Way to go, Bucs Nation. You ran the only two guys who actually knew what they were doing in Jon Gruden and Bruce Allen out of town. Now you have a cheap, moron owner (and his moron, silver spoon-sucking sons), a weak GM and Rasheed Morris, a guy CLEARLY over his head, "coaching" the team.

Nicely done. Maybe the Glazers would've fired Gruden and Allen no matter what. In fact, they probably would have. But I wonder if they would've had the nerve to if thought that Bucs fans would revolt. I have no doubt they peeked at the message boards and listened to radio callers and gauged the pulse of the fans. And when they heard these so-called "fans" bitching about getting that horrible Gruden out of town (you know, the guy who brought a Super Bowl championship to Tampa), I bet that's all they needed to hear.

"Salary dump, ahoy, Captain Malcolm!"

And enough of "Duhhhhhh, Gruden only won with Tony Dungy's players! Duhhhhh!" Uh, wrong.

First off, I love Dungy. But Dungy didn't win with "Dungy's players", Gruden did. Secondly, Dungy didn't bring those players to Tampa, former GM Rich McKay did before leaving for Atlanta, so they weren't "Dungy's players". They were McKay's, you fucking dumbasses.

Learn what a fucking GM actually does (hint: don't ask Phil Savage) before running your fucking mouths. That argument is absolutely moronic. Did we win the Super Bowl before Gruden? No, so shut your fucking mouths about "winning with Dungy's players".

Did Dungy win the Super Bowl with Jim Mora's players, then? After all, Peyton Manning was drafted when Jim Mora (the dad, not that moron son of his) was Indy's coach.

Wow, Bucs fans. You're kind of like the Browns fans I rip so much. Real great company you're in. You should really be really proud. You were smart enough to want a real coach fired and replaced with fucking Raheem Morris. What an upgrade! Thanks for that.

As a Bucs fan since before I was old enough to know how badass Leroy Selmon was, I truly appreciate this franchise being set back years.

You fucking morons.

Hey, Browns Fans!

Wherever Derek goes, it'll be better than where he's been.

How does Derek Anderson ripping your asses feel? Sucks, huh?

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

For those of you that don't follow Cleveland's team--and I can't imagine who actually would--my QB boyfriend, Derek Anderson, was mercifully released by the Browns this past week. He was due a 2 million dollar bonus, and no way were Tom Heckert and Mike Holmgren going to pay that to a QB who wasn't in their future plans.


When contacted by a Cleveland reporter via email after his release, Derek struck a blow straight to what passes for a heart in Browns nation (bearing in mind that nothing could pass for a brain):

"The fans are ruthless and don't deserve a winner. I'll never forget getting cheered when I was injured. I know at times I wasn't great. I hope and pray I'm playing when my team comes to town and we roll them."

You're not the only one, DA.


DA issued an apology the next day, accepting responsibility for the statement and not hiding behind the "I was misquoted" excuse. He said he met a lot of good friends in Cleveland and was speaking from frustration the previous day.


Well, you know where Buccaneer Lori stands on this. Fuck you, Browns Nation. You bastards. All you could think of the second Phil "I Suck" Savage wasted those picks to trade up for Quinn was how Brady's dick would feel in your hands.


You wanted DA benched in the middle of a playoff run for a rookie who missed virtually all of preseason holding out. You cheered when this guy was injured (just like you cheered when Tim Couch was injured several years ago).


What a joke of a fan base.


What's really funny is some of you are claiming now that you were cheering because Quinn was coming in, not because Anderson was hurt. Except, of course, Quinn wasn't coming in. He was on injured reserve with a broken finger. His season was done. He wasn't even in his fucking uniform for that game.

And I doubt you were cheering for Ken Dorsey. No, DA had a blown-out knee and you were thrilled! Even if it meant Ken Dorsey coming in, you were happy a--that--Browns player was injured.


Bastards.


You called this guy every name in the book all because he wasn't Brady Quinn. You mocked his Pro Bowl selection after the 2007 season. Everything was his fault.


Had Brady put up the numbers DA put up during the 2007 season, you would've been building statues in his image. You would've lauded him as the next star. You would've preached patience, patience, patience, patience, when he made mistakes.


Browns fans, you're the ones who always talk about what loyal and hardcore fans you are. Yeah, RIGHT!

Remember LeCharles Bentley? I do.

LeCharles was signed as a free agent by Phil "I Didn't Suck On This Signing" Savage in 2006. The LeCharles addition to the Browns was huge. He was an Ohio State guy from the Cleveland area.

And we all know what homerfucks Browns fans are for "local boys".

But for once, they were actually right. LeCharles was the real deal. He made the Pro Bowl twice, once as a center and once as a guard. Dude was wicked good. The Browns had a Pro Bowl center.

For one fucking day.

LeCharles tore a tendon in his knee in the first day of training camp. He ended up spending two years and four operations to take care of the knee and complications--including two staph infections--arising from the original injury. At one point, he almost didn't survive. At another, doctors considered amputating his leg.

Yeah. It was that serious.

Anyway, LeCharles came back in 2008 and started training camp again. Eventually, he realized that the Browns had moved on and there wasn't a starting spot open for him. So he asked for his release. Savage, who was fucking lucky LeCharles didn't sue the Browns over the staph infections, granted Bentley's request.

You couldn't blame the Browns. By this point, this kid's knee and leg would never be the same. LeCharles, I'm sure, would gladly hand back the millions the Browns paid him if he could play again.

He never did. Some teams showed interest, but LeCharles just wasn't the LeCharles of the New Orleans Saints anymore. A leg can only take so much trauma and so many operations.

Now back to his release. Some Browns fans ripped this guy. RIPPED him! Yeah, that money he got was worth the rest of his career. He fucking had to retire at 28 years old! He was having a Hall of Fame career! Guess what? He could've made money anywhere!

But some Cleveland "fans" held a grudge because all this guy did was ask for his release after two years of absolute misery. An injury like his usually takes a year to recover from. But Cleveland--who had had a real problem with staph infections--did him in. Those staph infections basically ended his career.

So I don't give a shit if he walked away with 14 or whatever million bucks. He'd gladly give it back if he could play again.

Let's not forget Braylon Edwards shooting C-Town the finger as well after his trade to the Jets this past season. Yeah, Edwards is a me-first guy. Yeah, Edwards never wanted to be in Cleveland in the first place--in his mind, he should've been drafted by a team in a glamour market like Dallas, NY, or Miami. Yeah, I agree with all that. But usually even douche bags like Edwards usually leave and don't say anything. He did.

And Browns fans--tough as they are--whined like babies.

I find it amusing when sports fans go beserk when an athlete actually fires some of their own shit back at them. Fans are tough when they're ripping a guy on the net or from the stands. Fans are tough when they're shooting someone the finger from a safe distance. Fans are REAL tough, then.

But when an athlete like DA or BE answers back, they cry like babies. Ain't that something? Couch, who was concussed and just not in his right mind after that fateful game, cried. It's still talked about to this day. How unfair. This guy's brain was sloshed around, his emotions were fucked up, and people made fun of him crying. And most, I'd say, have never suffered a concussion.

Well, Browns fans, now you have Holmgren trying to trade your pin-up boy, BQ, for anything he can get. And he has signed Seneca Wallace, a career backup, and Jake Delhomme, who has not only hit the wall career-wise, but crashed right through it. That's how much Big Mike thinks of Quinn.

You had ten wins in 2007. But ten wins wasn't enough for you because Quinn wasn't the guy under center. Amazing.

Oh well. At least now you can turn your efforts to trying and run Mike Holgren out of town. After all, I'm sure you all know much more about football than a guy like THAT.

Meanwhile, DA has some teams inquring about his services. Maybe he's only a backup QB when all is said and done, but he did have an incredible season in 2007. And that's more than Quinn will have ever have. Or Seneca Wallace, for that matter.

I've been to C-Town a few times. It's nice. It gets a bad rap. It has the problems any major city does, but I loved it and the suburbs southwest of it. People were nice, it was easy to get around and I never felt unsafe.

Then again, I wasn't Derek Anderson.

I'm tired of hearing about how tough Browns fans have had it. I've rooted for the Bucs all my life. I sat on my brothers' laps when I was a tiny little Buccaneer Lori and watched my team. And they absolutely sucked for the longest time. Much longer than since 1998, when the Browns were reformed.

We never cheered a player getting injured. We never treated our guys like C-Town treated some of their guys. I don't CARE if you're frustrated. No one was as frustrated as Bucs fans. So suck it up. Try showing some patience for a change.

Don't give me that "we've been patient" bullshit. Had Cleveland not been IMPATIENT, you'd have Chris Palmer still coaching your team. But no, you had to fire him two seasons after taking over an expansion team. You're never patient. Ever. And that's why the team's been in constant upheaval for over a decade.

You'll never learn. If you haven't won the Super Bowl in three years--and you won't, trust me--you'll run another front office right out of town. It's how you roll. You not only tolerate the muck, you roll around in it like hogs. You bathe in self-indulgence and self pity. You talk about the future but only look at the past.

No, you won't let Big Mike, Tom, and Eric Mangini build this team. And you'll let your owner, Randy Lerner, know that. You always do.

But maybe, just maybe, someday you'll learn the difference between obsession and passion. There's a big difference. And if and when you ever do, then you'll understand what I've--and many others--have been saying. And that's when your team will turn things around. Not until then will it happen, no matter who Lerner brings in to clear up the mess you've done more than your share to create.

Wherever you go, DA, I'll be pulling for you. Congrats. You deserve a lot better than Cleveland could--or would--ever offer you.

Browns Fans, Your Next Star QB.

Meet Kevin Kolb.

Kevin Kolb. The "L" is silent.

So who is Kevin Kolb? He's the Philadelphia Eagles' backup QB.

Let me take you Browns fans back a few years. You were looking for a new QB. Frye wasn't succeeding (although he found a bit of success in Oakland this past season and it couldn't happen to a better guy). The team was a mess from suffering under Butch Davis' incompetency.

Gerard Warren over LaDanien Thomlinson, Butch? REALLY? REALLY?

Ironically, now Eric Mangini, Tom Heckert, and Mike Holmgren must clean up the mess that came about from the incompetency of Phil Savage, Davis' successor. And I'm loving what I'm seeing from this franchise now. I might be the only one outside (or inside, for that matter) Cleveland who sees it, but I do. I see something good happening there, and it's getting better.

Good? No, special. Really special. This supposedly crappy team really isn't all that crappy.

And if my three Cleveland boyfriends listen to Buccaneer Lori, it'll become great faster than anyone could have dreamed of.

Anyway, I digress.

Back then, the team was committed--wrongly--to Frye. He was set up to fail. He was on a bad team and was backing up the incredibly mediocre Trent Dilfer. I won't go into Dilfer anymore than I have in previous entries, except to say that Trent's all about Trent (I guess somebody has to be).

The gutsy and likable Frye never had a shot to learn behind him, because Starving Alpo Dog would never allow it. Combine Starving Alpo Dog and a depleted roster, and do the math. Frye was toast once he saw action. It was brutal.

So Frye really needed to go to a team where he could sit and learn. He was traded to Seattle after the first game of 2007. Derek Anderson came in and led the Browns to ten wins and made the Pro Bowl. Of course, Cleveland had just drafted Brady Quinn and thus spent the entire 2007 season screaming for DA to be benched, even in the middle of a playoff run.

Smart move, Cleveland. Guy's leading you to ten wins and you want the guy on the bench. Brilliant. Glad you enjoyed those ten wins so much. I mean you want to bench a guy throwing for over 3,500 yards for a rookie who missed almost all of training camp.

Uh huh. Makes sense.

But again, I digress.

After the end of the 2007 season, an important--but barely noticed--trade took place between the Atlanta Falcons and Houston Texans. The Texans took two second round draft picks and sent them to Atlanta for their backup QB, Matt Shaub.

I loved Shaub coming out of Virginia in 2004. Atlanta drafted him in the third round that year. And every time he had to come in for Michael Vick, he lit the place up. But he was sitting on Atanta's bench most of the time. True, he didn't have a ton of appearances, but he passed the eye test. Great arm, smart QB. And he was going to become a restricted free agent the following year.

Atlanta decided to get what they could for him. They had their QB for the foreseeable future in Vick (who I never thought was anything but decent as a QB, but hey, he sold tickets). Of course, nobody saw the whole Vick dog fighting episode coming, otherwise, they never would've traded Shaub.

Okay. So Shaub goes to Houston, has some injuries and all that. But he does very well. And this year, he was healthy for the whole season. In his three years with Houston, he's thrown for over 11,o00 yards, with 59 touchdowns and 40 interceptions. The team's getting better. He's making it better and it's making him better. Shaub was the missing ingredient. Houston is on its way to bigger things now.

Call it the perfect example of NFL symbiosis.

But this isn't Buccaneer Lori advocating that the Browns get Shaub. He's locked up for the next three years, and no doubt will be extended before his current deal is even close to being up. No, that boat sailed under Phil Savage's arrogant, incompetent nose long ago.

Besides, you guys had Brady Quinn, didn't you? All you needed to do was get rid of DA and your lives would be perfect. That's why this was all about your love affair with Quinn. You were so concerned, supposedly, that DA wasn't a quality starter. Yet, you wanted no other option than Quinn.

No need for a stud like Shaub. Of course, that's natural. You don't go after a guy like Shaub after you draft who you think will be your QB of the future. But why didn't Savage go after Shaub even before that? Savage should've been on the phone to Atlanta trying to get Shaub. Oh well, like that old Tootsie Pop commercial says, the world may never know.

So why am I even talking about Shaub?

Because, Dawg Pound citizens, the universe has thrown you a bone. You get what so few fan bases get: a do-over. And while you may think I despise you, I don't. I've banged on you hard in the past, but only because you've acted like asses at times. I respect a lot of what Cleveland fans bring to sports and the passion, loyalty, and love they have for their teams.

And you've been screwed by ten years of horrible front offices and never even got flowers or dinner out of it. So yeah, I'm happy you can have a do-over. Aside from the nonsensical DA hatred, you're loyal as they come.

So that do-over. That wonderful do-over. What about it? First off, what is it?

It's not literally a do-over, of course. But it's as close as you can get to one. And you can make things right.

See that guy's picture up above? Yeah, Kevin Kolb. Three years ago, Philadelphia did what Atlanta did in 2004: drafted a promising QB to develop, even though they had a starter. Like New England did with Matt Cassel (turning a 7th round flier into a future 2nd round pick who also saved the 2008 season for NE when Tom Brady went down).

Smart franchises do stuff like that. Dumb fans say, "Durrrrr.....why dey dwaft a QB, we gots one!". Smart fans just smile, because they know exactly what their team is doing. Smart franchises never stop thinking. And much like GM Rich McKay plucked Shaub up for a third rounder of all things, Philly picked up Kolb with a second rounder.

Anyway, like the aforementioned Pats, Philly is a smart franchise run by smart people. The Eagles took Kolb after a stellar career at the University of Houston. Much like Shaub, he sat a long time behind the incumbent, Donovan McNabb. And again, like Shaub, when Kolb was called upon, he was ready.

Last September, Kolb became the first player in NFL history to throw for over 300 yards in each of his first two NFL starts. In fact, he threw for over 700 yards in those two games combined.

Let me repeat that: his first two starts.

Then Donovan healed up and back to the bench went Kolb. Of course. McNabb's a future Hall of Famer. But remember that eye test I mentioned? Kolb passed it with flying colors.

So you know where I'm going Browns fans? The majority of you that have come to your senses about Quinn realize that not only is DA done in C-Town--thanks to you running him out of it--but that Quinn really isn't that good. And in the end, I guess DA isn't either. And I hate admitting that because I'm a DA homer. But if I want you to admit Quinn isn't the guy, I have to admit DA isn't either.

So I'll say it: Get Kevin Kolb!

I can hear you now. Why would the Eagles get rid of Kolb? He's a future star. He's PHILLY'S QB of the future, not ours! It would cost us a fortune! Besides, Brady deserves another shot. You're nuts!

Okay, let's answer these questions. One, I know I'm nuts, but thanks for caring. Caring is sharing. Unless it's Mike Vick's herpes. Then it's civil litigation.

Two, Brady Quinn has had three years to show something--anything--that would earn him another shot. He hasn't. He's inaccurate, holds onto the ball too long, can't read defenses, throws wounded duck deep passes and can only make five-yard dump offs. He's had two statistically good games. One was against the rebuilding Lions this year, and the other against the Denver Broncos in 2008, when their defense was very weak.

He's melted down against decent and high quality teams. Baltimore body slammed him. Quinn doesn't "deserve" anything, let along another season to ruin. He's shown nothing and has thus earned nothing. He's as inconsistent as you scream DA is.

Next, Kolb is NOT Philly's QB of the future. They have their QB for the next several years in McNabb. He's in his early thirties and showing no signs of slowing down. He's an elite--or close to elite--starting NFL QB. Every year there are rumors that he's done in Philly. Every single year.

And every year, he's back.

There are several things we're sure of each year. We pay too much in taxes, Santa will come in December, I'll have lots of sex, and rumors will crop up about McNabb being traded to this team or that team.

Yawn. And I'm a virgin. Ask anybody that I've slept with.

McNabb's going nowhere. Philly would have to have it's head up its ass to get rid of a star like him. And that simply isn't the case. No, he'll be there a long time. And Eagles fans should thank their lucky stars they have him. He'll get another extension and be in Philly until he hangs up his classy cleats.

Why won't they get rid of D-Mac? The same reason the Lakers didn't trade Kobe Bryant. There's no trade that would have them coming out even, let alone ahead. Philly didn't become a great franchise by doing things that will make it worse. And as good as Kolb is, he isn't Donovan.

Donovan will enter Canton five years after he retires. You don't give that type of guy up for any draft picks. Especially when he's only 33 years old and is still performing at his level. And if you think 33 really IS old, then you should tell Minnesota not to care if 40 year-old Brett Farve retires or not. Hey, Shane Rosenfelds and Tavaris Jackson are much younger!

And while you're at it, tell Cardinals fans that Kurt Warner, another future Hall of Famer, retiring at 38 isn't any big thang. I mean, 38......good thing he made the team better by leaving, huh?

Yeah, those old men aren't worth it. They're old, right? Can't hack it anymore.

Now that I've made my point about age, of course the Eagles aren't chomping to get rid of Kolb. He's a great backup. But it wouldn't cost you a fortune to get him, either. Philly won't just give away Kolb for a bag of peanuts. They'd have to do something that made them better. That's how they roll. But it can be done. And it won't cost you that much.

And it'll make both teams just that much better.

Philly, year after year, has the potential to go all the way. They don't need a ton of draft picks. Each year, they're roster is stacked with depth and talent. Remember, their front office is smart. They just need to add a stud or two.

Oh, I got a stud for them. And if they want him, you can give them the least expensive route to getting him. Win-win, Dawg Pound and Iggles Nation.

Listen to the crazy lady with the pirate hat on.

C-Town, you really want to spend a 7 overall on Joe Haden or Rolando McClain (and no, Eric Berry won't be there for you at #7)? If you do, you're as dumb as I tease you about being. Don't get me wrong: those guys project to be pretty good players. But a cornerback or linebacker won't lift your team like a talented QB will. You can design scheme to hide holes in your defense.

There's no scheme that'll hide a mediocre QB.

So call up Philly. Dangle that #7 out there. And offer to switch first round picks for Kolb. That would give Philly your #7 pick and you'd get their 24th pick. Philly could then draft that incredible WR prospect, Dez Bryant, and pair him up with DeSean Jackson.

Are you kidding me? Get your Super Bowl tickets ready. I'm not joking. That passing game is scary enough now. Add Dez Bryant and.....sheesh.

Maybe the spread offense really would work in the NFL!

You'd still have a first rounder, just a lower one. And the best bang for the buck in the draft ranges from 20 or so in the first round through the second round. You'd have your QB position settled without giving up a draft pick.

And come on. Most top ten picks are extremely overrated. Ndamukong Suh, Bryant and Berry are the only guys worth a top ten selection. And Suh and Berry will both be gone by the fifth pick. As for Bryant, he's projected at 7 at the earliest (if you'd like to take a moment to laugh about what mentally deranged sucker takes Jimmy Clausen in the top ten, go right ahead).

But Dez is not the guy for you, anyway. People always get this wrong. It's not about drafting for need. And it's not about drafting the best player available. It's about drafting the best player for you that's available.

There's a difference between these two teams. Cleveland, under Mangini, Heckert, and Holmgren, are where Houston was just a few years ago. A lot of holes, but the biggest hole was at QB. Remember, Browns fans, you won four games in a row to end the season averaging only NINETY yards passing!

How is that even possible? It shows that you're a lot closer to being good than your 5 and 11 record shows. A stupid penalty on Hank Poteat in the Detroit game lost it for you; otherwise you'd be 6 and 10. You have an improving defense, stars in Josh Cribbs and Jerome Harrison, an awesome left tackle in Joe Thomas, a great center in Alex Mack, a good cornerback in Eric Wright and two young, talented receivers. Yeah, you need help in the secondary. Sure. Trust your new front office to deal with that.

Dez Bryant in C-Town? That's like buying an expensive sports car without an engine. You're not a Dez Bryant away from serious contention. All Dez Bryant gets you is another WR with no QB. No, you don't need another WR. Dez is awesome. But he won't be without a QB.

Dez simply isn't the best player available for you. And let's face it, you don't want another WR with baggage. Unless, of course, you're longing for the good old days of Braylon Edwards. I doubt that you are. I don't blame you.

You need a QB. So Dez won't help you. He will help Philly. Their sports car has a badass engine. The Donovan-5000. Dez is--would be--the best player available for them.

You can cry about getting Quinn all the weapons you want if you like. It's a stupid argument. It's one that Micheal Vick apologists made for him for years. He still wasn't successful. Their new QB, Matt Ryan, is better with those weapons than Vick ever was. It's a BS argument made to protect a QB who is average at best. And Quinn isn't even average.

If Quinn is so good, why can't he even separate himself from DA, whom you all claim is so horrible? Why can't he lock down the starting position? No answer for that, huh?

You have the front office in place now. You have Holmgren (long time friend of Philly coach Andy Reid....hmmmmmmm.......). You have a great GM in Tom Heckert (who just came over from Philly....hmmmmmmmmm.....) and a fantastic coach in Mangini.

Remember me talking about smart franchises? Smart franchises produce winners. Look at who wins and doesn't win. The stats don't lie. Smart front offices produce consistent winners. Stupid front offices give you winners every five to ten years when the stars align just right.

Ozzie Newsome of Baltimore versus Phil Savage's tenure ruining the Browns. That pretty much shores up my point. Ozzie is smart. Phil is a self-promoting, arrogant moron who couldn't spot talent if it spit in his face.

One day, I will do that evaluation of Moron Phil's draft picks for Cleveland. You will shocked at his ineptitude. Romeo Crennel was screwed from the start having this idiot as his GM. Poor guy waits his whole career to be a head coach and gets saddled with that twit.

That, my friends, shows you that no good deed goes unpunished.

Now, C-Town, you have a smart front office. You have a great coach. You have guys who can and will make smart decisions. And getting the Browns a quarterback is the most important decision Mangini, Heckert, and Holgren will face this off season.

The Browns will release DA soon instead of paying him that 2 million dollar bonus. No doubt, he'll be devastated to leave a city that treated him oh so very well. Now you need to trade Quinn for a fourth or fifth. That's all he's worth.

You need a QB.

And I know just the man for the job. Don't make the same mistake that Opie Taylor's long lost uncle did.

Browns Nation, it's time to move on. It's time to put the ugliness this quarterback controversy has done to your fan base behind you. It's time to get behind your team again, and not one QB or the other. You're Browns fans, not QB fans. You wear those ugly colors and are proud to wear them!

You're BROWNS fans, not QUINN fans! You lost sight of this three years ago. Time to get your focus back.

It's time to get excited and this time, you're excitement is warranted. You're finally building the team you deserve. You have the president, general manager and coach you need to do it. Now it's time to get the right man to run the offense. It's time to cash in that mulligan! You missed Shaub, but you can make it right three years later!

Cleveland, it's time for Kevin Kolb.

Fuck You, Phil Fulmer!

The picture says it all.

You sir, are a bitter piece of crap!

When Lane Kiffin decided to leave the most overrated program in the SEC, Tennessee, you got your rotted old ass on a radio station and basically pissed down your leg. Yeah, everyone wanted to hear what the Volunteers' former coach had to say.

And there you were, saying Lane could "go to hell". Fuck you. Nobody outside of TN cares what you have to say, ass-suck. You wouldn't have done shit during your career had Peyton Manning not won you a national title.

But....before your suggestion for Lane's future travel plans, you had already gone one hundred steps too far. You had the audacity to insult Monte Kiffin, Lane's father, and former long-time Tampa Bay defensive coordinator.

Where do you get off basically saying that Monte is senile? You fucking worthless pile of shit. That man's forgotten more about football than you will ever know.

And TN lured away their own head coach tonight. Derrik Dooley (yes, son of longtime University of Georgia coach and athletic director Vince) from Louisiana Tech.

Oh, poor Volunqueer nation! You hated Lane Kiffin the minute he arrived. You rioted like the white-trash you are when he left. Then you said he sucked anyway. Well, if he sucked, why were you so pissed? Huh?

Hmmmmmm......took over a shitty team.....almost upset Alabama. Played Florida tough. Brought you a 7 and 6 season (which Phil Fuckbag Fulmer wouldn't have done). Left you with the sixth-rated recruiting class. Yeah, thing is, you know you had a good coach. He left for a relevant program, USC. Too fucking bad you people aren't relevant.

And too fucking bad you couldn't even get Duke's coach to take your overrated coaching job. Too fucking bad Will Muschamp, Texas' defensive coordinator, said "No thanks."

Too bad you had to hire a guy with a 17-20 record the last three years from Louisiana Tech. Wow. Really prestigious job you were offering, huh? Those fish weren't exactly jumping in the boat, huh?

Maybe Derrick can call Vince for some advice if he needs it. But he'd better check with Phil Fuckass first to see if Vince is senile.

After all, nobody's more of an expert in senility than Phil Fulmer. Just listen to him.

“Erik is our quarterback right now, but we have two quarterbacks.”

Wow. Brilliant. You mean to say that Erik (Ainge) is your starting QB, genius? Or were you trying to demonstrate that contrary to popular opinion, you could count to two?

“I don't know that we have been as dynamic offensively as I thought we would to this point.”

Fulshit explaining how his offensive sucked dick.

“We've bent over backward to do everything that we can to make this happen, ... including going down the day of the game.”

Actually, Tennessee went down quite a bit in their games. To defeat, that is.

“We will not put our athletes at risk at all.”

Phil explaining why he banned hookers from the weight room.

"I know how much better it is on everybody when you can rush the football."

Wow. No shit? Cars work better with engines too, just in case you didn't know.

"Neither one of them are Jason Allen, but injuries happen, and as you go through the year, you find new guys."

Phil demonstrating that he can actually tell some of his players apart.

"He answered it about like I thought he'd answer it."

Phil explaining how he handled recruits telling him to fuck off and that they were going to the University of Florida.

"We think they can both win for us, and that's the way we'll go until we see otherwise."

Fulmer demonstrating that when a team says it has two good quarterbacks, in reality, it doesn't have one good QB at all.

“Getting done what he got done, coming back here to win this football game at a place where he had been, I don't know if there is a better story in the world than what this guy has done.”

You mean, aside from your ass getting fired?

“I am so thrilled with this win. I can't tell you how proud I am of this football team and this staff, and the fight they had. There was absolutely no panic at halftime.”

That's cuz the team was listening to the defensive and offensive coordinators and not their head coach.

“So it's like Auburn and Georgia last year. That's the exact kind of performance we're going to need and we're going to look for.”

Phil apparently forgetting what university he actually used to coach at.

“He's going to be out some time, probably the remainder of the year. I don't know that, but that's what I'm assuming.”

Phil not realizing that a simple "I don't know," would suffice.

"I'm embarrassed about it."

Phil explaining his reaction to his adult diapers sticking out of his pants.

"That's why we have instant replay--to get the call right."

Phil demonstrating an amazing command of the fucking obvious.

"I was really happy, and I'm almost hesitant to say this, because every time I brag on him, he goes the other way, but Jon Wade played really impressive (Monday) night."

Phil either outing himself as a bisexual, or pumping up his player by accusing him of choking every time he pays him a compliment.

"This is no reflection on Rick Clausen, but I believe the timing will be better with one quarterback. Settling on one quarterback will help as much as anything."

Phil discovering, after decades of coaching, a fundamental rule of football that kids in high school know.

"We need to play a little bit better against the good people."

Wow. I mean....the insight required to make this statement......

"If I could sprinkle magic dust on it, heck, I'd fix it."

Phil getting a little too personal for everybody's taste.

"What do we do with this?"

Phil on his wedding night.

"I don't recall saying anything.....I just gave him a big hug."

Barney was grateful.

"Unacceptable. It starts with me, goes through the staff and then through the players and everybody associated with Tennessee football."

Phil explaining the mysterious outbreak of gonorrhea during the 2002 season.

"You can't blame this on one person. Everybody wants to say it's this person or that person. It's a combination of a lot of things and some you can fix hopefully in the short term and some of it may take longer to fix."

Phil simultaneously avoiding blame, spreading blame, and explaining that he'll need extra time to fix the things that he's to blame for.

"I don't know that we've done justice as to where we're going, but with what we've got, we've done the best that we can."

Phil basically saying his players are shit and all of the losses aren't his fault.

"We've been very unfortunate during the course of the year to not have anything good happen to us offensively."

Phil demonstrating his aggressive, take-charge approach to his team's offense.

"This has been a very difficult season for everyone, especially Randy."

I don't know who Randy is, but his ass just got thrown under the bus.

"Some of that is coming with experience. He's one of those guys who wants to try to make a play. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. We want to use the system for what it is. There's nothing wrong with the system. It's always worked well in the past."

Phil throwing a player under the bus while demonstrating zero ability to adapt to the changes taking place in college football.

"Randy, in an unselfish gesture, has asked to step aside at the end of the season."

After Randy crawled out from under that bus, Good Ol' Phil told him he could quit or be fired.

"It was good we had an extra week of practice. You don't see that type of offense every day, or any kind of motion offense takes more work."

Yeah, the forward pass has confused many great minds.

"I'm going to defer to not answering that right now. It's a good question."

Apparently Phil preferred to answer bad questions.

"I can't concern myself with that."

Phil making reference to the fact that he hasn't recruited a quality QB since Peyton Manning.

"We've got some real challenges ahead. Obviously they start with Notre Dame."

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, Notre Dame's really badass! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"I was miserable during Christmas. I haven't had that as a head coach. I probably made everybody around me miserable."

Phil in a rare, insightful moment.

"It's obvious that we really underachieved on offense last season. And everybody contributed, including me."

Uh, if your offense underachieved.....then wouldn't that mean that everybody wasn't contributing?

"It's very difficult to argue with the folks who think we have a chance to be good."

Phil showing tremendous humility.

"We were the youngest defense in the conference at the beginning of the year."

So....did you master time travel and become the oldest defense by the end of the year?

"We've gotten our hands on more balls this two-a-day than I can remember in some time."

Um, okay.

"They split the reps (in practice). We have two quarterbacks. Whoever runs out first will be first."

Phil demonstrating the "last one in is a rotten egg" approach to his practices.

"Florida did a good job of doing what they needed to get done."

I have no doubt that what Florida got done was kicking his team's ass.

"I'm concerned about this weather that's apparently coming in, but that's not something we can do anything about today."

I guess Phil could only control the weather on certain days.

Yeah, if that sniveling bastard Phil Fulmer knows anything, it's about being fucking senile.

Kiss my ass, Fulmer, you fucking cunt. What's your email, you piece of shit? I wanna chat.

I Hate To Say I Told You So....

Sorry my lovelies. There's not much to cheer about in Tampa. But cum up to GA and Buccaneer Lori will console you!

But I told you so....

DA's stats from Sunday's Browns/Bengals game:

26 for 48 for 269 yards, one touchdown pass, one rushing touchdown, and one interception. 10.3 yards per completion.

Quinn's stats for the first three games of the season:

45 for 74 for 400 yards, one touchdown pass (in garbage time against Minnesota), and three interceptions. Oh, and three fumbles. 8.8 yards per completion. It's pretty clear to see at this point that DA clearly can move the ball downfield whereas Quinn cannot. His game is dinking and dunking. Shit, Dilfer could do that.

I'm joking. Dilfer couldn't do anything. Aside from sucking.

Anyway, do the fucking math, Quinn cultists.

To be honest, I've been pretty hard on Browns fans in the past, and for the most part, some deserved it. They did boo DA when he blew out his knee. They did raise an overrated college quarterback to near mythical status, even before he threw one NFL pass.

But looking back, I think Browns Nation has been suffering from an infection. And this infection turned a quarterback debate into a raging case of Quinnitis. And where did this infection come from?

"Charlie Weiss is aftur me pot o' gold! Jimmy Clausen gives me a stiffie! Brady gets me little shamrock stiff!"

That's right! Notre Dame fans. After their boyfriend was drafted by Cleveland in 2007, it's amazing how many of these people became Browns fans!

Of course, they didn't give a shit about Cleveland. Cleveland just happened to be the team with the misfortune of buying into Quinn's greatness . And boy, these people shit on DA like crazy. It didn't matter that DA was passing for over 3,500 yards and leading the team to 10 wins. No, he was a pile of shit and Quinn HAD to be inserted immediately!

So DA started some last year, and later in the season was replaced by Quinn, who made the Quinninites giddy with a decent performace against a Bronco defense that was so weak I could've run for 500 yards and passed for a thousand.

Then Quinn got hurt. DA replaced him and got hurt (much to the delight of the sickass Quinn Circle Jerk Club). Then Ken Dorsey went down and was replaced by Bruce Gradowski. In other words.....the last six or so games were pretty much lost before they were even started.

So this offseason, Quinn beat DA--yeah right--in the QB competition. Quinn strokers got what they wanted: their beloved Quinn would show himself to be the savior this franchise needed.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPSSSSSSSSSSS!

Yeah, Quinn can't pass. Every knock on him coming out of college came to light. And man, he held onto the ball longer than old Charlie Frye used to!

Now they're screaming to "give BQ a chance". Oh? Like the chance you never gave to DA, as you were spending the 2007 season insulting him? Or in 2008, when you celebrated as he squirmed on the cold ground in pain? Or when you disparaged and dismissed his selection to the Pro Bowl after the 2007 season?

No, sorry. No double standards allowed. Not even for Bitchin' Brady Quinn. Or you hypocritical assholes.

Sorry, this is Dreamboat's third season in the league and he still can't make deep reads. He's been given his chance and showed jackshit. Now he sits again. The offense did nothing under Quinn except bog down. The minute DA came in, you could see the offense open and loosen opposing defenses.

Of course, the Quinn posse isn't done shitting on DA. They're even more pissed now. Tough shit.

I'm not saying that real Browns fans aren't guilty of the Quinn-stroking. Not at all. But the infection that came from Norte Dame assholes that couldn't let Quinn leave their pathetic, loser lives made the problem so much worse.

He is the wind.........beneath their wingggggggggsssssss..............

Browns nation, DA is your antibiotic to the fuckhead infection you've been suffering from.

I really feel sorry for whatever team drafts current ND QB/Douchebag Jimmy Clausen. Because when it happens, that team will have a huge increase in loud, stupid, obnoxious "fans".

And they'll be as convinced of Clausen's greatness as they have been of Quinn's.

Quinn cultists, feel free to support your noodle-armed hero as he settles into his ultimate NFL destiny: back up quarterback.

Real Browns fans, I apologize. I made a mistake. I ripped you guys way too hard. Some of you deserved it, but I just hadn't made the diagnosis that you were infected by ND swine flu.

Now shut the fuck up and get behind DA and let HIM develop. If you show some patience, he might just develop into a pretty good QB. And best of all, that nasty ND infection will clear up. And when that does, the actual Browns fans who still believe in Brady will eventually come to see the light and give up the vigil.

Or not. After all, an obsession is an obsession, right? And there's no cure for herpes, either. But like with any other STD, the best cure is prevention. So always wear rubbers and never draft an Notre Dame QB.

**************************************

Speaking of infections (and swine), Braylon Edwards is gone. Addition by subtraction.

More proof that no matter what the geniuses at ESPN say, Mangini and Kokinis know their shit.

In case you hadn't heard, Edwards got into an altercation with a friend of LeBron James on Monday morning and beat him up. All 130 pounds of him. What a big, tough guy Edwards is.

Of course, some Browns fans are missing the point, but 90 percent or so get how great this move is. Mangini traded Edwards to the Jets for 2010 3rd and 5th round picks, a wide receiver (with better stats than Edwards this season), and a special teams standout.

Edwards sucks more cock than I did on Frat Boy Booze Weekend (I made that up, of course).

Since he was drafted in 2004, he's been a self-centered, inconsistent, immature narcissist. Shit, he was flat-out pissed that Miami didn't take him. No, Savage did, of course.

Edwards has always craved the big-city lights of Miami, New York, and Dallas. You see, he's a star and should be showcased accordingly. Just ask him.

Now to his credit, Edwards blew the top off Cleveland Browns Stadium in 2007. He and DA combined for 16 touchdown passes and Edwards hauled in over 1,000 passing yards.

Over course, that was his one good season. The rest of the time, he's a ball-dropping machine. Last Sunday, in the Browns' best effort of the season, BE dropped a ball delivered right to his hands. And that's how he spent last season: dropping balls. Athletic as can be, as inconsistent as can be. In the second Ravens/Browns game last season, he dropped more balls than a hooker with Vaseline on her lips.

He's been a locker room cancer. He undermined Romeo Crennel. Braylon's always wanted what he wants, and feels that's more important than the team. He's your typical diva wide receiver.

Me, me, me, me and, of course, me.

Good luck in New York, you overrated bitch. I'm just glad Rah-Suck Morris didn't want to give Mangini five first round draft picks for him.

I'm still vomiting over the Kellen Winslow trade.

****************************************

So, how's the Morris regime doing in Tampa?

Oh yeah. 0 and 4.

I can hear you now: "BL, you consistently suck up to Mangini and Kokinis....yet insult and complain about Morris and Mark Dominik. Both teams are winless! Oh, and you have one insanely hot ass. So what gives?"

Uh, there's a difference between the two situations. ManKok inherited a team devestated by four years of shitty, self-indulgent drafting and free agent signings by "GM" Phil Savage. Savage consistently drafted players Romeo Crennel couldn't use and overspent on free agents that weren't worth it. And most of those players are gone now. ManKok inherited a shipwreck and has to start from scratch.

Morris and Dummynik, on the other hand, inherited a well-stocked team that was well under the salary cap. They inherited a team that was consistently in contention for the playoffs.

And they gutted it.

Then they traded for Kellen Winslow, so he could spend the last couple of years collecting his workman's comp checks from the Glazers. He's a nothing. Always has been, always will be.

And did I say that getting Byron Leftwich was a smart move in my last entry? Well, even I can be wrong (rare as it is). Now we have Josh Johnson starting at QB. And we're grooming Josh Freeman as our QB of the future. Gah-BARF!

Yeah, getting rid of Gruden and Allen was brilliant!

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Here's a little present for you Quinn bitches!

Quinn shows his blowing technique.


Quinn shows....uh.....



"Hello? Is this the Academy for Overrated Quarterbacks?"

Hey, don't fumble THAT ball, BQ!

Hope you didn't run out of Kleenex, Quinnies! Whoa!

Browns Fans, Bucs Fans....You Happy Now?

"I suck."

Buccaneer Lori is here, and it's time to swallow your medicine, you sniveling, spoiled brats! You got what you wanted, both of you fanbases! Let's deal with the Bucs "fans" first.

Yeah, you good folks, have a seat. Sit down, shut up, and listen up. Browns fans, go to the back of the room. I've supplied a huge picture of Brady Quinn, several tubes of Astroglide and several boxes of Kleenex.

You all wanted Gruden gone, huh, Bucs fans? You wanted a guy who brought a Super Bowl to Tampa gone. Yeah, he had a bad losing streak that kept our team out of the playoffs last year. But our team was consistently a contender, and a lot of fans in a lot of other cities (Kansas City, Detroit, and Oakland, just to name a few) would give just about anything to be a contender every season.

So all's well now that Gruden and Bruce Allen are gone, right?

Uh......maybe not.

First, an overrated Dallas team smacked the Bucs around. Then, Sunday, the Buffalo Bills bent the Bucs over and kicked their asses. And it it gonna get any better this year.

Should you all be shocked? Your new boyfriends, Raheem "The Bad Dream" Morris and Mark Dominik, your super-awesome upgrade over Bruce Allen, took a giant douche and shot it right in the team's face. Gone was, among many notable defensive stalwarts, Derrick Brooks.

And on Monday, when Raheem was asked if he was concerned about the team's defensive problems getting out of control, he responded that they already WERE out of control. Wow. At least the young "genius" is candid.

Fucking great. This from a d-backs coach turned d-coordinator-named head coach in less than a month. Fucking great. I feel so much better now. A defensive-minded head coach.....is admitting that under his watch, the defensive problems are mounting.

I bet all of you guys drank that Kool-Aid when the 32 year-old (or however old is isn't) got the job. How DID Raheem get that job to begin with? Because he was being asked to interview for head coaching jobs with other teams? Because he was standing around the hall? Because he happened to be home when the Glazer Fucks called?

Nice draft, by the way. Josh Freeman. Wow. Does it concern any of you that Raheem knew Josh when he was coaching at Kansas State? These personal coach-player relationships destroy objectivity.

Remember, Phil "I Sucked As A GM" Savage tried to trade up to get JaMarcus Russell a few drafts ago. JaBustus just happened to have attended several of Savage's football camps growing up.

Huh. What kind of football camp would a horrible GM like Savage run? How to overspend on shitty wide receivers like Donte' Stallworthless? How to trade away future draft picks on players that will end up on the practice squad? How to draft players that'll end up out of the league in two years? How to bask in Ozzie Newsome's spotlight when he drafts pro-bowlers year after year? How to run to any microphone you see like Starving Alpo Dog Trent Dilfer?

Oh, speaking of Savage, remember in the 2008 draft how dingus traded away the team's 2009 third rounder to draft a tight end named Martin Rucker in the fourth round? Yeah, the Browns just released Rucker. Good job, Phil!

Want another one?

In the same draft--2008--Savage traded away a 2009 fifth round pick so he draft some project wide receiver named Paul Hubbard in the sixth round. Hubbard--who probably wouldn't have been drafted at all and could've been signed as an undrafted free agent later on--was put on the practice squad and has been released. How about yet another?

Same draft. Phil had traded away the first three picks (the first for Quinn in the 2007 draft, the second for a player named Corey Williams who didn't fit the Browns' 3-4 defense, and the third for Shaun Rogers, one of his few smart moves) in the draft.

So the Browns were set. They'd start drafting in the fourth. So I'm watching the draft with boyfriend and he groaned.

"What?"
"I just know that the idiot's going to fuck up."

Didn't take long. The fourth round started and Savage traded up in the fourth. He gave up a 2008 fifth rounder to swap up in the fourth round. There was this awesome linebacker named Beau Bell he wanted. Bell barely played last year and has since been released.

Anyway, now that we've finished Phil Savage's Guide To Drafting Like A Shithead, back to Freeman.

Every draft, due to the supply and demand regarding teams' needs and such, two or three QBs float up to the first round.

Take 2005, when Aaron Rogers and Alex Smith were the top dudes at QB. One has succeeded wildly (Rogers), while the other, well, didn't (Smith). In a logical world, Rogers clearly had superior credentials to Smith. He played in a pro-style offense in a tougher conference, whereas Smith played almost exclusively from the shotgun in college. When the 49'ers--who had the top pick and thus could negotiate before the actual draft with different players) reached an agreement with Smith, they selected him.

And the repercussions were felt a few years later when Green Bay had the legit QB from that draft.

So back to this year's draft. The perfect storm was set. Raheem knew Freeman. The supply and demand of the position inflated Freeman's worth and all of a sudden, the Bucs had themselves their QB of the future.

Sure, they had to trade away a sixth rounder to the Browns to swap spots in the first round, but hey, it's Raheem's boyfriend, so it was worth it.

Anybody with half a brain would've drafted Beanie Wells, Rey Maualuga, or somebody else who could actually help team team. You don't take a QB project in the first round. What, did Raheem think he and Josh would nail some coeds together?

And you couldn't address needs in the second round. You sent THAT pick to Cleveland for an overrated, broken down douche bag named Kellen Winslow, he of such class that he spat on his own general manager after a game last season. Pig. I may not like Savage, but spitting on another person is so low class....that only a POS like Winslow would do it.

And spare me the blame on Gaines Adams, 2008's first rounder. Yeah, he's not going to do as well when you rip apart a playoff-calibre defense. Nobody is. But Mr. Player's Coach, Raheem, calls Adams out in the media. Fuck you, Morris. At least he's on the field, unlike Josh Freeman, who's "learning". Yeah. He'll need to learn for a long, long, time.

Hey, here's some quarterbacks that didn't need to spend a few seasons sitting and learning: Sanchez, Matt Ryan, Joe Flacco and Matt Stafford (he'll be good, trust me). Those are QBs you take in the first. Guys like Alex Smith and Raheem's boyfriend you take in the third and hope for the best.

Allen and Gruden wouldn't have torn apart the defense. They were too smart to do something that arrogant and stupid. They wouldn't have sent a second for Winspit. They wouldn't have released our veterans. They sure as fuck wouldn't have drafted Josh Freeman.

Hey, Michael Clayton, your team sucks, Mr. Drop The Ball. You still glad that horrible coach is gone, you overrated, backstabbing butthole-bitch?

Are any of us happy? In one off-season, we degraded the coaching staff, the front office, and the entire roster. We went from a solid playoff contender to a weak team in one fell swoop. It didn't have to happen. By the Glazers' logic, once you have a dent in a nice, working car, you take a sledgehammer to it and get rid of it. Then you take the bus for a few years and save up for a new car.

It's not like we were over the cap. Shit, when they started cutting the heart out of this team, we were well under the cap. Maybe Mr. Asshole Glazer didn't want to pay the players.

Bucs fans, you happy that your Super Bowl winning coach is gone? If you are, then you're getting what you deserve. Fuck that. You're getting what you deserve regardless.

Now get the fuck out of here. I need to speak to another group of morons.

Hi Browns fans! You remember to wash your hands and mop up the wall and ceiling?

Last season, when Derek Anderson was benched, I said, "Benching Derek isn't fair, isn't smart, and won't make the team better."

Right again I am, I am! I'm immune to Brady Quinn cult spam!

Congrats. You got your man, Brady Quinn, named starting QB. You got what you wanted. You wanted, sniveled, begged, wailed, pants-pissed, tantrumed, shat, cried, whined, bitched, screamed for, pouted, and prayed for this. You jeered Derek Anderson when he blew out his knee last year. You hated him, and you wanted everyone to know that.

How's that working out for you? How's Quinn doing?

Not well. Not well at all. And you Quinn jackers can spare me the "he's a rookie crap". He's NOT a rookie. This is his third season. Mark Sanchez is already 100 times the QB Quinn is and he IS a rookie.

And spare me the "Sanchez is on a better team" shit. You didn't offer DA that excuse. Well, Detroit doesn't have all that much talent, but Matt Stafford's out there slinging the rock.

Quinn can't make deep reads. He fumbles. He's throws interceptions. 90 percent of the time, he checks down and dumps off the pass to the tight end or running back. His passes flutter. His release is in slow motion (he makes Byron Leftwich, the one good thing Morris has done, look fast)--that is, when he's not just holding the ball and waiting for someone to be ten yards clear of the nearest defender.

"No no no no....he's only five yards off you! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

DA has always had a fast release. That discourages blitzing and stacking the box. Defenses don't like getting burned by a fast release hitting the hot receiver.

Another thing: DA hits the receivers in stride. Quinn looks like he needs a stationary target. But hey, Braylon Edwards doing the splits to catch a pass is fucking awesome. It's just like college football: throw to the man, not the spot where the man's supposed to be.

Oh, yeah, I'm sure his mechanics are much better than Anderson's, right? LMAO Yeah, those great mechanics led Quinn to have three passes in a row deflected against Denver. One hit a Denver lineman in the facemask! Now that's a deflection!

ROFLMAO GREAT MECHANICS THERE!

Yeah, that'll get it done!

BQ even dumps off in garbage time. Against Denver, with a minute or so left and the game already lost, BQ was still dumping off passes to his running back. Shit, chuck the fucking ball down the field. Game's over anyway, so who cares?

Of course, it didn't get it done against an average (at best) Denver defense. It didn't get it done against the Vikings (an admittedly better defense). It sure as fuck won't get it done Sunday against Baltimore (bring your diapers, Quinn).

Here's another good one: he had to split first-team reps with DA, in training camp, so that hindered him. LMAO Yeah, so the second coming of Troy Aikman didn't improve with competition? Yeah, I guess a high calibre QB like BQ needs his fucking hand held or something. If DA was such crap and BQ so good, why did it take so long for him to "win" the job.

Yeah, he won the job. Right. There would've been a riot if Quinn hadn't "won" the job.

And now, some of you Quinn holdouts are screaming that we all must be more patient.

Nope. Not me. Not this pirate chick.

You SHIT all over Derek Anderson. You shit all over him when he was passing for over 3,500 yards and winning 10 games for you underserving creeps. You shit over him last year, even though the whole team's wheels came off. You weren't patient with DA.

It was his fault Braylon Edwards dropped every important pass. It was his fault when Jamal Lewis ran the wrong route in the second Baltimore game and the pass was intercepted. It was his fault that Romeo Crennel's shitty prevent defense couldn't hold any leads.

You weren't preaching patience then, so you don't get to preach it now.

Here's another Quinn excuse that gets me every time: "He has to take what the defense gives him."

ROFLMAO times a million!

DA is streaky, but a QB can either bully the other team's defense or be bullied. Quinn is bullied. DA isn't. DA threw interceptions, for sure, but he also tired out the opposing defense and threw plenty of touchdown passes.

The field shrinks with Quinn; it's stretched with DA.

Browns fans, keep being happy with BQ allowing opposing defenses to set the tone. Because what great defenses (or even decent defenses like Denver's) do is "give" him shitty four-yard dumpoffs. Then they close in more and more. They tighten the noose. They shorten the already short field for Quinn.

Why should a stud defense like Pitt's or Baltimore's respect a QB who "takes what they give him?" Fuck that. Stud defenses laugh at QBs who take what they're given!

Of course you have to complete short passes (admittedly, DA's weakness). But you have to do more than that. Quinn is averaging 5.5 yards per pass attempt this season. That's garbage, I'm sorry.

Drew Brees doesn't "take what they give him." He fucking takes it and says "Fuck off, I want another touchdown." Quinn says, "Yes sir, opposing defense. Thank you for that two-yard gain. May I have another?"

Peyton Manning doesn't "take what they give him." He laughs, hauls his arm back, and hits whatever receiver he fucking wants to hit. Quinn says, "May I pass for four yards now, opposing defense? PLEASE can I have one first down? PLEASE?"

Quinn can't beat you deep. So defenses can stack up against the run and dump off by bringing up their d-backs and close up the box or blitz the dreamboat. But hey, at least he takes what they give him.

Yeah, it's a bitter pill to swallow. Here's some water, losers.

To those of you who now realize that just maybe your idol, Quinn, isn't quite the next Joe Montana, TOUGH SHIT! Too late! Quinn was your boy. Now your asses hurt and you don't know what to do! Better late than never? LMAO Yeah, okay!

TOUGH SHIT!

To those who've always stood by DA, sorry guys......you were right, but that doesn't make you feel better as Quinn dinks and dunks his way to another loss. You were happy when DA won those ten games and wanted to see what he could do if they franchise put it's efforts into his career instead of the Golden Boy's.

But you knew that this preseason's QB competition was bullshit. The entire offense was built around Quinn's "strengths". Actually, to be fair, this offensive scheme that favors ball control and short passes came with Eric Mangini. But the result was the same: Quinn's skills were more tailored to this barfy offense than DA's gunslinging style.

Hey Browns fans.....you're 0 and 2. Your offense can't stay on the field and your defense gets exhausted and eventually breaks. Get used to it. With DA, you were high-octane fun at best and at least exciting at worst. Now you're just boring and irrelevant.

Your pro-bowl QB sits on the bench so you're rave-fave can play. You people are a fucking laughingstock, you know that? Then again, we're not looking that much smarter in Tampa, are we?

At least I get to see my boy-toy Jon every Monday night! Now that's some great television! I love me some Gruden with my Monday Night Football!

Cleveland, Tampa, you got just what you wanted. How's that working out for you?

Misery may love company, but I bet that you're finding out that stupidity does as well.

I don't hate to say I told you so.... So I TOLD YOU SO!

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LMAO

A couple of weeks ago, I read that the moneygrubber suing Big Ben Roethlisberger for rape was willing to drop her suit if he offered her a public apology!

This was all after some incrimnating emails she sent BEFORE the alleged rape were discovered. They dealt with how she was trying not to go up to his room and fuck him.

And they were sent from her company email to a coworker! Unfucking real!

Another one she sent after the supposed rape dealt with how she hoped she was pregnant with Big Ben's child.

Now she's willing to drop the suit for an apology. LMAO Big Ben, don't give her a fucking thing.

Unless that one thing is the finger.