Hey, Browns Fans!

Wherever Derek goes, it'll be better than where he's been.

How does Derek Anderson ripping your asses feel? Sucks, huh?

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

For those of you that don't follow Cleveland's team--and I can't imagine who actually would--my QB boyfriend, Derek Anderson, was mercifully released by the Browns this past week. He was due a 2 million dollar bonus, and no way were Tom Heckert and Mike Holmgren going to pay that to a QB who wasn't in their future plans.


When contacted by a Cleveland reporter via email after his release, Derek struck a blow straight to what passes for a heart in Browns nation (bearing in mind that nothing could pass for a brain):

"The fans are ruthless and don't deserve a winner. I'll never forget getting cheered when I was injured. I know at times I wasn't great. I hope and pray I'm playing when my team comes to town and we roll them."

You're not the only one, DA.


DA issued an apology the next day, accepting responsibility for the statement and not hiding behind the "I was misquoted" excuse. He said he met a lot of good friends in Cleveland and was speaking from frustration the previous day.


Well, you know where Buccaneer Lori stands on this. Fuck you, Browns Nation. You bastards. All you could think of the second Phil "I Suck" Savage wasted those picks to trade up for Quinn was how Brady's dick would feel in your hands.


You wanted DA benched in the middle of a playoff run for a rookie who missed virtually all of preseason holding out. You cheered when this guy was injured (just like you cheered when Tim Couch was injured several years ago).


What a joke of a fan base.


What's really funny is some of you are claiming now that you were cheering because Quinn was coming in, not because Anderson was hurt. Except, of course, Quinn wasn't coming in. He was on injured reserve with a broken finger. His season was done. He wasn't even in his fucking uniform for that game.

And I doubt you were cheering for Ken Dorsey. No, DA had a blown-out knee and you were thrilled! Even if it meant Ken Dorsey coming in, you were happy a--that--Browns player was injured.


Bastards.


You called this guy every name in the book all because he wasn't Brady Quinn. You mocked his Pro Bowl selection after the 2007 season. Everything was his fault.


Had Brady put up the numbers DA put up during the 2007 season, you would've been building statues in his image. You would've lauded him as the next star. You would've preached patience, patience, patience, patience, when he made mistakes.


Browns fans, you're the ones who always talk about what loyal and hardcore fans you are. Yeah, RIGHT!

Remember LeCharles Bentley? I do.

LeCharles was signed as a free agent by Phil "I Didn't Suck On This Signing" Savage in 2006. The LeCharles addition to the Browns was huge. He was an Ohio State guy from the Cleveland area.

And we all know what homerfucks Browns fans are for "local boys".

But for once, they were actually right. LeCharles was the real deal. He made the Pro Bowl twice, once as a center and once as a guard. Dude was wicked good. The Browns had a Pro Bowl center.

For one fucking day.

LeCharles tore a tendon in his knee in the first day of training camp. He ended up spending two years and four operations to take care of the knee and complications--including two staph infections--arising from the original injury. At one point, he almost didn't survive. At another, doctors considered amputating his leg.

Yeah. It was that serious.

Anyway, LeCharles came back in 2008 and started training camp again. Eventually, he realized that the Browns had moved on and there wasn't a starting spot open for him. So he asked for his release. Savage, who was fucking lucky LeCharles didn't sue the Browns over the staph infections, granted Bentley's request.

You couldn't blame the Browns. By this point, this kid's knee and leg would never be the same. LeCharles, I'm sure, would gladly hand back the millions the Browns paid him if he could play again.

He never did. Some teams showed interest, but LeCharles just wasn't the LeCharles of the New Orleans Saints anymore. A leg can only take so much trauma and so many operations.

Now back to his release. Some Browns fans ripped this guy. RIPPED him! Yeah, that money he got was worth the rest of his career. He fucking had to retire at 28 years old! He was having a Hall of Fame career! Guess what? He could've made money anywhere!

But some Cleveland "fans" held a grudge because all this guy did was ask for his release after two years of absolute misery. An injury like his usually takes a year to recover from. But Cleveland--who had had a real problem with staph infections--did him in. Those staph infections basically ended his career.

So I don't give a shit if he walked away with 14 or whatever million bucks. He'd gladly give it back if he could play again.

Let's not forget Braylon Edwards shooting C-Town the finger as well after his trade to the Jets this past season. Yeah, Edwards is a me-first guy. Yeah, Edwards never wanted to be in Cleveland in the first place--in his mind, he should've been drafted by a team in a glamour market like Dallas, NY, or Miami. Yeah, I agree with all that. But usually even douche bags like Edwards usually leave and don't say anything. He did.

And Browns fans--tough as they are--whined like babies.

I find it amusing when sports fans go beserk when an athlete actually fires some of their own shit back at them. Fans are tough when they're ripping a guy on the net or from the stands. Fans are tough when they're shooting someone the finger from a safe distance. Fans are REAL tough, then.

But when an athlete like DA or BE answers back, they cry like babies. Ain't that something? Couch, who was concussed and just not in his right mind after that fateful game, cried. It's still talked about to this day. How unfair. This guy's brain was sloshed around, his emotions were fucked up, and people made fun of him crying. And most, I'd say, have never suffered a concussion.

Well, Browns fans, now you have Holmgren trying to trade your pin-up boy, BQ, for anything he can get. And he has signed Seneca Wallace, a career backup, and Jake Delhomme, who has not only hit the wall career-wise, but crashed right through it. That's how much Big Mike thinks of Quinn.

You had ten wins in 2007. But ten wins wasn't enough for you because Quinn wasn't the guy under center. Amazing.

Oh well. At least now you can turn your efforts to trying and run Mike Holgren out of town. After all, I'm sure you all know much more about football than a guy like THAT.

Meanwhile, DA has some teams inquring about his services. Maybe he's only a backup QB when all is said and done, but he did have an incredible season in 2007. And that's more than Quinn will have ever have. Or Seneca Wallace, for that matter.

I've been to C-Town a few times. It's nice. It gets a bad rap. It has the problems any major city does, but I loved it and the suburbs southwest of it. People were nice, it was easy to get around and I never felt unsafe.

Then again, I wasn't Derek Anderson.

I'm tired of hearing about how tough Browns fans have had it. I've rooted for the Bucs all my life. I sat on my brothers' laps when I was a tiny little Buccaneer Lori and watched my team. And they absolutely sucked for the longest time. Much longer than since 1998, when the Browns were reformed.

We never cheered a player getting injured. We never treated our guys like C-Town treated some of their guys. I don't CARE if you're frustrated. No one was as frustrated as Bucs fans. So suck it up. Try showing some patience for a change.

Don't give me that "we've been patient" bullshit. Had Cleveland not been IMPATIENT, you'd have Chris Palmer still coaching your team. But no, you had to fire him two seasons after taking over an expansion team. You're never patient. Ever. And that's why the team's been in constant upheaval for over a decade.

You'll never learn. If you haven't won the Super Bowl in three years--and you won't, trust me--you'll run another front office right out of town. It's how you roll. You not only tolerate the muck, you roll around in it like hogs. You bathe in self-indulgence and self pity. You talk about the future but only look at the past.

No, you won't let Big Mike, Tom, and Eric Mangini build this team. And you'll let your owner, Randy Lerner, know that. You always do.

But maybe, just maybe, someday you'll learn the difference between obsession and passion. There's a big difference. And if and when you ever do, then you'll understand what I've--and many others--have been saying. And that's when your team will turn things around. Not until then will it happen, no matter who Lerner brings in to clear up the mess you've done more than your share to create.

Wherever you go, DA, I'll be pulling for you. Congrats. You deserve a lot better than Cleveland could--or would--ever offer you.